1994.

18. HER REGRET

HER
REGRET

                            SHAKING HANDS TIED her hair up, but since she was intoxicated beyond belief, the sluggish movements made her end up with a loose ponytail and wisps of crimson hair floating around her face. the nighttime breeze cut deep into her tear–stained face and regretful heart, that very heart thumping faster and faster until the beat pulsated in her throat.

"what the fuck," she whined into her cold hands, continuing to stumble down the city streets with no destination. raesun didn't even know where she was anymore (in reality she was only round the corner from the nightclub, but drunk raesun was a dumb one).

oh god, she vomited onto the street and struggled to keep her hair behind her, one hand on a grimy wall and knees buckling. her comical state would remind one of a fawn taking its first steps, a vulnerable form too familiar to raesun.

there was nothing she wanted more than for her lover to whisk her off the streets in his truck and play pink floyd with cigarette smoke in their lungs and his shoulder for her to cry on.

but that wasn't going to happen.

was it?

"rae! oh my god, rae!" taehyung.

she spun around to see him jogging towards her, quite stiffly due to his shoes. for some unknown reason she found herself collapsing in his arms, crying with such shame; they kissed. kissed. all the while her heart belonged to another.

"it's okay, i–i'm sorry if i..." he sighed, rubbing her back tentatively, "if i overstepped any boundaries? you just... oh i don't know, you just looked so beautiful and i—"

"stop," she mumbled as her sobs escaped into his dampened shirt, "please just stop—"

"no, i can't!" taehyung's tanned soft hands, a stark contrast to jeongguk's rough ones, took a gentle hold of her soaked face, staring deep into her flooded eyes, "i need to let this all out, before we argue and scream and regret everything in the morning. you're beautiful. and i kissed you because you're just... breathtaking, i swear."

it was horrible, being in his arms when she should in another's. he didn't smell like acrylic and marijuana, only expensive cologne and soft cotton — he himself was soft, too much of a pushover for her.

kim taehyung wasn't the one she wanted.

"w–we can't do t–this!" she shook him off her as her crying ripped her throat raw, guilt slick on her face in the form of ongoing tears, "don't t–touch me, okay?"

taehyung was desperate, clearly, for her to see some sense but he couldn't help her, sighing at the sight of smudged eyeliner and glitter amongst the rivers flowing down freckled cheeks, "just get in the car, we'll go back to our room and... and feel better in the morning."

"i d–don't want to go back w–with you!" she began to walk away, again swaying and nearly snapping a heel off of one of her stupidly high shoes.

he grabbed her by the arm (a little too harshly, making her whine), "don't be silly. look, i'll be out for the night if you want. i just want to make sure you're safe."

her pout was too child like for him not to smile, "o–okay. b-bedtime please taehyung."

— 雨 —