Faces (Lannan Eacott) *Under Editing*

Chapter Twenty-Two

      Lannan was in the middle of filming a video for Click when my phone went off. Reading the text, I could feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks.

      I miss you. When can we talk again? I knew in my heart what I was doing was wrong. But texting and calling is as far as this has gotten. I loved Lannan. There was no way I would risk losing him. Especially to someone else; someone who had already hurt me once. I sent a text back and slid my phone into my pocket. After a minute of looking around my eyes finally found Lannan. He was laughing at something one of the others had said, a gigantic smile plastered on his face. The conversation in my texts continued to go on for some time till Lan had finished filming.

      "Who you texting, love?" I quickly pressed my phone facedown against my leg. "Another boyfriend?" He said laughing. If only he knew. "Everyone was thinking of going to the beach. Come with?"

      "I'm a bit tired, Lenny. I think I'm gonna head home." I could see the visible sadness on his face but I felt guilty just looking at him. I wasn't a cheater. I knew how it felt to place your trust in someone and how crushing it was when that trust was broken. But I also knew that anything I wouldn't do in front of Lannan was considered just that. And it's not like I had gone out of my way to hide the messages, but I wasn't exactly being open with Lannan about them either. The guilt had found a permanent home. I wasn't doing this intentionally to hurt him, but it felt nice to have the closure I'd wanted for so long. It felt nice to have my somewhat normal back.

      "Want me to drive you?" I shook my head. His face fell once more and I couldn't handle seeing him so disheartened. "Maybe I can come by later? We can have a Netflix night." A small smile crept onto my face, but only I questioned the integrity of it. I stood up from the couch and gave him a quick kiss before hastily exiting the house. My phone began viciously vibrating in my pocket. Glancing at the name on it, i immediately answered.

      "You're gonna get me in trouble." The person on the other end laughed. Frustration began setting in.

      "You weren't so worried about it during our phone call just last night." I could almost hear the smugness in his words.

      "Jacob, I love Lannan. Are you deliberately trying to ruin this for me?" I glanced around to make sure I had put enough space between myself and Lannan.

      "Of course not. I want you in my life. Even if it's as friends. But Nikki isn't too thrilled about it." He became silent. "Do you ever miss what we had?" His question stunned me. I wasn't quite sure how to answer.

      "Sometimes." I paused. "Sometimes I miss how easy it was. I miss how normal it felt. You were the first person I ever really fell in love with. You knew things about me that I've never told another soul. You were the first person I ever let in. But you were also the first person who ever let me down." I knew what his silence meant. I'd known him like the back of my hand. "I love you. And I hate that you betrayed me in such a way that I can't consider you the same person."

      "You love me?" I shook my head as if he could see it.

      "I said I loved you." His scoff from the other end was enough to set off the butterflies in my stomach.

      "You said you love me." He pauses once again, waiting for a reply. "Sammie, I'm sorry I hurt you. You fixed me and I broke you. I regret leaving you now. This time apart has opened my eyes to how fortunate I was."  I sighed. "I love you. I still do. I never really stopped. I just want to know that you still love me."

      "I'm with Lannan." The words felt so unfamiliar in my mouth. I could practically feel the guilt creeping through my body.

      "That's not what I wanted to know. It's not what I asked." I knew the answer as well as he did.

      "Yes." My hand began to tremble against my cheek as I held my phone steadily to my ear. "Okay? Yes, I do still love you. But that doesn't mean I don't love Lannan. I just love him more." He sighed in relief.

      "If you really love someone you never stop." And he was right. I knew deep down in my heart that I still loved Jacob. Even though every bone in my body screamed otherwise. But I also knew that I was so in love with Lannan. The phone call ended not too long after my confession but the effect of it was still fresh in my mind. How could I do this? Especially to someone like Lannan. Why couldn't I just tell my heart to stop loving Jacob? Lan was an actual Knight in shining armor who had never done anything to hurt me. He was just as in love with me as I was him. But there was a sting in the pit of my stomach that knew a part of me still wanted my old life back.

      I spent the next few hours debating on what I needed to do. I knew that if I kept up the communication with Jacob it would slowly ruin things between Lannan and I. Lannan would eventually find out and the guilt I already had was unbearable. It seemed to swallow me whole. Finally, I decided what I was gonna do. I was gonna tell Lannan everything. I felt my phone vibrate and glanced down at it. Lannan.

      When were you gonna tell me? Is this why you've been acting distant? Not wanting me around as much. Keeping to yourself. Always hiding your phone. I guess when I said your other boyfriend, I was more spot on than I thought. If he's who you want, have him. I would do this in person, but I can't even look at you right now. We're done.

      He then sent screenshots of my texts to Jacob. Every last one. My heart felt as if it were breaking into a thousand pieces once again. It was in this moment I knew. I had hurt Lannan. I was no better than Jacob. My mom had always said it's better to be the one hurting than to be the one hurting other people. And now I had crossed that line. Even though I loved Jacob, I had hurt the one person my heart was set on. I was the one hurting people.