Faces (Lannan Eacott) *Under Editing*

Twenty-Eight

The room was quiet. All that could be heard was the light humming from the air conditioner. I hadn't heard from Lannan since he left to go to his doctor visit. The minutes seemed to drag by as I waited for his call. Finally, as the day grew older, my phone rang and his name appeared on my phone.

     "How did it go?" All I was greeted with was silence. Finally, he sighed.

     "Kidney stones. I'll be fine." I let out a sigh of relief and began twirling a hem that had come loose on my pants. "They do want me to come back for testing each week though. Just as a precaution." I raised an eyebrow. I had never heard of anyone having to continuously go back to the hospital for kidney stones.

     "For kidney stones? Is it just until they pass?" He chuckled.

     "After as well. It's just a precaution, babe. Just to make sure I don't get more." Nodding my head as if he could see me, I closed my eyes.

      "I'm glad you're okay. I was scared when you didn't call. It's been four hours."

       "I know. But hey, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tonight at dinner." Click. The call had been ended with no 'I love you' and no 'goodbye'. Lannan suddenly pushing me away left me unsettled. He had never been one to push me away. Tears began to well up in my eyes but I fought them as hard as I could. I knew he was hiding something from me. What ever that may be, I knew in my gut that it was something important.

        The hours dragged by. Finally, I heard the door unlock and Lannan stepped through the door. He looked awful. His eyes were sunken in and he looked as if he had been crying for hours. I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. He took a sip before looking up at me.

       "What are you looking at?" His tone was harsh. He was angry but why? I took a couple steps toward him. "Seriously, Samantha. What the fuck do you want?" He grabbed his beer and started towards the living room, knocking into my shoulder as he went. "You're so goddamn annoying." I felt anger boiling up inside me.

       "What's your problem? You ignore me all day only to come home and treat me like shit? That's not fair, Lannan." He scoffed.

        "Is it always about you? Samantha this, Samantha that. Worry about someone else for once." I could feel my fists begin to tremble.

        "As if. I sat here all day worried about and your kidney stones." He rolled his eyes.

         "Kidney stones. Sure." All I could see was red. "If you had half a brain, you'd know that was a bullshit lie."

         "Then what is it? A common cold? The flu? You just being the big baby you are-"

         "It's cancer!" I felt my heart stop. "Is that what you want? You wanna know all the gory details? I didn't tell you earlier because it wasn't a conversation to have over the phone."  I instinctively took a step towards him.

        "What?" He rolled his eyes and collapsed onto the couch.

         "Cancer. Stage 4. No cure. No remission. I'm gonna die. Take it or leave." I walked towards him. Once I was facing him I knelt down in front of him.

         "Lannan, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry-"

         "Don't say you're sorry. Don't say anything. I'm going to bed, I can't do this with you right now." He stood up, walking towards our room.

         "Lannan." He continued to walk away from me. "Lannan." Nothing. "Lannan!" Finally he turned around his eyes were glazed over now. "Talk to me."

        "What do you want me to say, babe? I'm scared. I'm twenty-four years old. I've barely lived. Yet, the thing that scares me most isn't dying. It's knowing that I won't be able to see you." He took careful steps towards me till he was right in front of me. "I'm scared of never being able to run my fingers through this hair." He slowly tangled his fingers in my hair, moving them ever so slowly towards my shoulders. "I'm scared of never being able to feel these shoulders." His eyes traveled to my lips. "I'm scared of never feeling these lips again." I could now see the tears in his eyes. "I'm scared of never hearing an 'I love you' again. I'm scared of never seeing those gorgeous eyes. I'm scared of never seeing that smile, your smile. I'm scared of never being the reason for that smile again. Baby, I'm so damn scared." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Sobs wracked through his body.

        I was speechless. There were no words to describe how I felt. There were no words to comfort Lannan. I knew what came with this illness. I had seen it time and time again. This wasn't the first time I heard those heart shattering sobs. That dreadful feeling I had shaken months after I lost my mom now had a new place to find shelter. 

      "Please don't leave me." Sadness dripped from his lips the same way venom had just moments before. "My heart cant take it." I pulled away from our embrace and looked him in the eyes, my hands resting on either side of his face.

      "Lannan Eacott, I would never. We are in this together. No matter what happens, I am yours." He pressed his forehead against mine and sighed. "Help me hold onto you." And I knew, in that moment, that I would not let him let go.