I, Death

Tuesday October 2, 2012 - 11:43 AM

Holy Fuck.

Sarah’s gone.

She’s fucking gone.

I can’t believe it.

I’m sure I’m to blame for that too. See, I knew it. I knew that those dreams about Rainy at Sarah's window were trying to tell me something.

So there I was last night, laying in the grass, gazing into the darkness of Sarah’s room, trying to make out the simple shape of the teddy bear that I knew sat in the chair closest to the door — with the light from the nearby bathroom, I could just determine the shape of its head, the tiniest glint off its one glass eye.

Then, all of a sudden, after what seemed hours of waiting, a shadow crossed the wall inside.

Sarah? Finally?

My heart leapt into my throat. I laid there, frozen, unable to move.

A light suddenly came on, filling the room with a bright, painful brilliance. I squinted as I looked in. But it wasn’t Sarah standing there. It was some strange man. He slowly shuffled in to the room and sat down on the bed.

As my eyes slowly adjusted to the light and as I got a better look at him I realized it wasn’t a stranger.

It was Sarah’s father.

Holy Christ, but did he ever look different.

He’s always been a tall and powerfully built man, but the man I saw before me, though he seemed somewhat familiar in his facial features, was merely a ghost of the man I knew as Sarah’s father.

This guy was like 100 pounds lighter than Sarah’s father. He had this sucked-in face appearance, and moved slowly like he was in a great deal of pain or that it took every effort within himself just to move an arm or a leg. I guess he looked more like those photos you see of people in the Holocaust: starved, their eyes filled with horror, or else empty, completely spent, with no emotion or energy left to give.

And as he sat there and my eyes continued to adjust, I realized that his body was making a slight hitching movement. His hands went up to cover his eyes

He was crying. But there were no visible tears. Perhaps his cancer-filled body wasn't able to produce them any longer.

The sight made me want to cry, for Sarah, for him. I cringed and slunk away from the window and headed back home.

– 1 Comment –

Kim said...

Don’t think the worst. Maybe she's gone away to a family member's or a friend's out of town. Maybe she just took some time to get away from it all and her dad just misses her.

The worst thing you could do is jump to conclusions.