After dinner, i manage to drag Tanner away from my parents after saying a long goodbye to Austin. I bring him to the field, where the air feels perfectly chilled in the October air, the fall air giving off a sort of fresh breath welcoming us both home. I missed the field, it just wasn't the same without Tanner next to me.
I lead him to our old, usual place near the center of the field, close to a tree use Tanner either leaned against or climbed depending on his mood.
But now we sit in the long grass, smoothing it down enough where it hadn't been and laying down, my head naturally going to Tanner's chest. It wasn't unusual for me to do this back in the day, but that was only when i needed comforting, not just any time. I cherished those moments, and I would sometimes fake embarrassments just to get moments like this, and now this is what i can have any time, and i cannot love it enough.
So we sit there, staring at the prominent stars, me more in a daze, thinking of Tanner, concentrating on his heartbeat and trying to match it with mine.
"The stars are beautiful," He says, bringing me back to concentrate on him, and i look up at him, finding him grinning when he looks right back at me. "So are you."
I scoff, "Stop that."
"Stop what?" He says, his hand on my back slightly tensing as if i might move.
"Calling me that. Comparing me to stars, it's ridiculous," I say, and it was suppose to come out serious until i glanced back up him, just a grinning and i cant help but smile back.
His free hand appears at my cheek, and he raises his head just enough to make direct eye contact with me. "You are so much more beautiful than any star, any light, any beautiful feature i see, you are ten times that beauty because that light is only dull compared to how bright you shine. How bright your eyes are twinkling right now, and how bright and beautiful you are inside. You are so beautiful, Taylor, and the more oblivious you are to it makes you even more beautiful, and it's so interesting you can't see that."
"Tanner-"
"No, I'm serious. Every inch of you. Your hair," He touches my shorter hair, as if noticing it for the first time all over again instead of my long curls. "Your lips," his thumb brushes over my lips, and it feels callused from climbing too many trees and so familiar. I let my eyes fall closed as he does. "I could name things every day of the year for the rest of our lives but there wouldn't be enough time."
He might be thinking of how beautiful I may seem to him, but all i can notice is how he said 'the rest of our lives'. He saw a future for us. He plans to spend his life with me, and thats a big assumption, a big choice that he just let slip plainly into our conversation nonchalantly. I don't know if he meant to but that's the sort of thing i catch.
"I could spend forever and a day with you and I'd still be speechless when you smile at me," He says, the moonlight seems to reflect off his eyes, creating some sort of paradox of stars beneath the milky blue his color casts. He really has no idea how infatuated I am with him. How utterly breathless I get when he let alone looks at me, and how long I've held this crush under the water where no one could see. And if you've been to Tennessee in Cabarrus, you know the lakes and ponds are far from clear, they're dark blue. And if you stick your hand far enough under, you ain't gonna see it, and my crush on Tanner was so under that water not even I realized it truly. I guess i saw him as Tanner- not as hot or anything, he was, but i didn't see him that way at first because I was taken by his personality I grew up with knowing so well. It took us being totally absent from each other's lives to realize how much we cared for each other in a whole 'nother level.
"You have no idea, do you?" I smile, sitting up and putting one knee to my chest, ripping a piece of grass up and fiddling with it. "Do you know how many times I wished you were my first kiss when we sat out here?"
"I was so oblivious, you wouldn't believe," he laughs, sitting up as well, but keeps his gaze above him at the stars.
"Was. Yeah, bud, that was two years ago." I laugh.
"Yeah but at least I can actually see when you want to kiss me now," He glances at me, grinning, and winks.
"Oh yeah?" I raise my eyebrows. "Do i want to right now?"
"Oh, definitely," He leans over on his arm and kisses me, softly taking my lips in his. It's such a dream scenario, in our old place, kissing like it's the most normal thing in the world. It's crazy, and I'm surprised that this place could foster any more than friendship, but i guess i didn't see a intimate moment in this form coming.
I pull away slowly, keeping my eyes closed until he touches my hand with his. "I love you."
He's just beaming at me, so much more like the Tanner i knew for all those years, and it's like those words are foreign, like this is the first time he's ever said it to me, and it makes my heart skip beats to keep up with my racing mind.
But without missing a step, I lean in and kiss him once more, firmer, more passionate this time, and pull out of it quickly. "I love you too."
•
"So this is your room. Typical, hasn't changed at all," Tanner grins as i lead him into my room, pulling my suitcase behind me. Just as i had left it, photographs hung around the walls, lights tied up in certain places, and my bed with a veil lacing the top. My guitar sits untouched by my drawer and my song journal on the desk next to it.
"Shh, my parents are asleep," I hold a finger to my lips and pull my suitcase to a stop next to the drawer while Tanner closes the door.
"We don't have to talk," he draws out, advancing towards me as i turn.
I raise my eyebrows and smirk. "What do suggest we do?"
"I have a few ideas," I swear he got too use to those last days in Los Angeles for comfort.
"Board games?" I grin. "I have the spinning Scrabble board."
"See, this is why i love you," He laughs, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me. "But we can still kiss, right?"
"Of course. What's scrabble without kissing?"
"Not a very great game."
