We Belong Together? (BoyxBoy)

Five

Daniel

                Recipe for depression 

                Ingredients: Eleven ounces of pain, three spoons of numbness, half my body weight in tears, and one normal person.

                Procedure: You put all that in the person and shake him lightly. Then you let him rest for two weeks isolated from everyone in his room. And the result is me.

                Sarah told me that Kyle thought I was moping but I was sure as hell I wasn't. He knew I still loved him, he could tell from my state alone, and though he tried to comfort me a little that day, as my best friend, he knew he was only making things worse. I didn't want my best friend Kyle, I wanted my boyfriend Kyle. But I knew that was impossible. I knew that wasn't happening anytime soon, not to mention ever, and that I needed to move on with my life. The problem was that I just couldn't do it.

                I loved him, I still did, even though he may not love me anymore and has come to realize things I knew deep inside my heart but that I didn't want to face. Yeah, I knew before him that he didn’t love me, that it was an all forced, or maybe it was just an infatuation and he had confused it with real love? Whatever. I knew before him that it would end this way. That we didn’t really belong together. Call it masochism or hope, but I didn’t give up, and I still haven’t given up, mind you. I still loved him and there was nothing I could do about it. I did my best and tried my hardest to let him go, I swear. I locked myself in my apartment so that I didn't have to see him, thinking that maybe this way I would be able to let him go. But it hasn't worked yet, it only makes me miss him and want him beside me even more. I haven't come out of my house in more than two weeks and I wasn't planning on doing so. And show him that I still hadn't gotten over him? Hell no. It made me feel really bad thinking that he would feel guilty about that, so I decided that when I came out of this apartment I would be ready to at least pretend I had gotten over him.

                I was still in my bed, hidden under the covers, my face turned into a pillow, hiding from the world, when I heard my phone ring for the hundredth time and decided to answer it. It was probably Sarah wondering what I was doing and trying to comfort me, but when I looked at the screen I saw Kyle's name. I frowned, cleared my throat, trying the best I could to sound normal, and pressed the answer option.

"Hello...?" I said uncertain.

"Daniel?! Oh thanks God. You picked up. I've been so worried about you! You won't answer your phone or the door! I was beginning to think something had happened to you!" He said his voice filled with concern and worry.

                He had been calling me? He was worried about me? I sighed. Even though I didn't want to, I had still made him worry.

"I... I thought..." His voice cracked, telling me has was about to cry. Kyle almost never cried, his ego was too big to be able to let him do that. The only times he cried in his life were because of me. Huh, ironic. You try your hardest to make the person you love happy but in the end you always hurt him. "I thought… you didn't want to see me again. I thought you… hated me or something." He said and his voice cracked in the end.

                My heart just broke again. If it was already torn into little pieces before now those pieces were even smaller. I had been such an idiot. Such a fucking selfish idiot! I had only thought of myself and my pain, I hadn't thought about how worried Kyle could get or what my decision could to do him. And that's when I made up my mind.

"Kyle, are you stupid or what?" I said teasing him a bit. "I would never hate you." I made myself stop the sentence there before I could add 'because I love you.'