Shakespeare one shots

Horatio knows damn well

Alright, three things.

One: I'm really sorry for just leaving y'all like that. My phone was a bitch and decided to go all Hamlet on me, so I had to get a new one. My old one won't turn on, so I lost a lot of writing and I'm very sad. Luckily, I had just uploaded Really, Really before it happened.

Two: I'm such a fucking nerd, oh my God. My phone case is a bunch of musical logos. Also: American Idiot. I'm obsessed with Green Day, and I just started listening to the musical soundtrack. I love Jesus of Suburbia, I love American Idiot, I love Letterbomb, I love 21 Guns, and the king of all of them (the King for a Day, if you will) is St. Jimmy.

Three: I actually had this one written, but I either forgot to publish it or Wattpad is fucking with my vision because I sWEAR I DID IT BUT APPARENTLY NOT

With that out of the way, have some writing.

2020 uptade: ohmygod you guys remember when I thought Hamlet was a top

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Before you read: in this one Horatio's parents were homophobic, so he stayed with Hamlet's family a lot. He started calling them Mom and Dad as a joke and now they do it all the time.

Warning: a lot of sexual references. You're big kids, you can handle it.

~ Horatio's PoV ~

I took in a lungful of air as I stepped out of the car, closing my eyes in bliss. The old house was exactly the same as I remembered it.

"Yoohoo, anybody in there?" Hamlet called, tapping the side of my head. I laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the door of his parent's house.

Approximately 0.2 seconds after my finger left the doorbell, Hamlet's mother had flung the door open and pulled the two of us into a giant bear hug.

"Oh, my boys! I missed you so much!" I managed to laugh despite the anaconda-like grip, and Hamlet got out a "missed you too."

Luckily, Hamlet's father came to our rescue. "Gertrude, let them breathe!"

After my boyfriend and I had gasped in enough air to keep our brains running, the two adults dragged us into the living room.

"So, how has the first year of college treated my OTP?" Hamlet senior asked once we had been seated.

"Dad..." Hamlet mumbled, a faint blush adorning his cheeks. I chuckled and wrapped an arm around him.

"Just fine. Ophelia and him got the same dorm, though, and I was with Laertes. Phe and I kinda ended up switching dorms to keep them from killing each other," I said.

"I see. Did those close quarters lead to anything?" Hamlet's mother wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"M-Mom!"

I laughed, partly at the assumption that we couldn't control ourselves when left alone together (we couldn't), and partly at the expression on Hamlet's face. It was somewhere between flustered and pouting, and frankly rather adorable.

"Relax, baby," I hummed, nuzzling into his neck. "It's not their fault that they're correct."

"Dammit, I can't trust anyone! You're all conspiring against me!" Hamlet yelled dramatically.

"Muahahaha," I mumbled.

"Oh shut up, you know I wouldn't fight you even if you were an evil supervillian," he muttered into my hair. I nodded and smiled.

"I know damn well you wouldn't."

After a short contented silence, Gertrude stood up.

"Right. As much as I would love to keep sitting here, we're humans and that means we need nutrients." Several stomachs grumbled in response.

"So go outside and photosynthesize!"

Hamlets senior and junior broke into laughter, but I stayed poker faced.

"But the sun's gone down. We can't photosynthesize off of moonlight," I said.

Gertrude rolled her eyes at my nerdiness and turned to the kitchen, her husband following. As they walked off, I heard her whisper "What do you wanna bet that they aren't virgins anymore?"

~ Can ymbrynes move time forward? If so, Miss P, time skip please! ~
~ Also: Hamlet's PoV ~

Dinner was g r e a t.
By which I mean t o r t u r e.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and everything. It was fantastic to see them again after being thousands of miles away.

On the other hand (the torturous one), my fucking boyfriend would not. Stop. Teasing.

It was never anything my parents might notice. Biting his lip and giving me a look from the side, ghosting his hand over my thigh, hooking his ankle around mine, things like that.

Horatio knew damn well that I had zero self-control when he teased me. It was like flipping a switch. One moment I'd be sweet and cuddly, but the tiniest show of need from him and my brain would completely change gears.

That being said, I really was trying my best to stay present in the conversation. I didn't want to be caught with a boner at the dinner table. Something about that picture just didn't seem like an ideal moment to me.

Author broke out of internal monologue mode and moved into dialogue/action mode when Horatio spoke up, using his Complete Innocence™ voice.

"Daddy, would you pass the salt?" He said in my general direction.

My dad and I both reached for the salt at the same time. When we noticed, both of us froze. No one at the table said a word.

Luckily, just as I thought I'd have to experience the awkwardness of telling my parents that yes, I had sex with my boyfriend, my mom burst into laughter.

"Y-you, oh my- oh!" She cackled, banging her fist on the table. Dad soon joined her, neither of them able to form complete sentences through their hyena sounds. I saw him pass Mom a crinkled ten dollar bill.

"So, uh..." I started. My father cut me off.

"No, no need to explain anything. You're adults now, you're entitled to have some fun. Just as long as you used protection."

"We both took sex ed, of course we used protection!" Horatio exclaimed. I kicked him under the table.

"Good. On that note, I'm not doing dishes. Clear your stuff into the washing machine, not the sink," my mom said, getting up from the table.

Dad and Horatio got up to follow her, but I pulled the latter back.

"Quite the stunt you pulled," I growled, slowly moving toward him. He mirrored my steps, backing up.

"You gonna do something about it?" He smirked. Well that was new.

By this time Horatio had managed to back into a wall. I put my hand on one side of his head, staring intensely into his eyes. I leaned in towards his ear and felt him shiver.

"You know damn well I am."