Shakespeare one shots

A correspondence

Hamlet and Horatio love to talk to each other. When separated, they maintain several conversations at once to make up for lost time.

Similar language and style (literally like a carbon copy) to Hamlet's letters in The Undiscovered Country on Ao3.

Small content warning: Hamlet writes, and he's... well, he's horny and unashamed.

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H, my love-

You must come rescue me this instant. I refuse to suffer here alone a second longer.

(Ophelia is reading over my shoulder and is deeply offended. Yes, Phe, you make it almost bearable.)

Anyway, whisk me away back to the haven we call Wittenberg. Everyone (except Ophelia) is so BORING. Laertes has gone off to France, Osric is a dreadful fencer, and I'd rather die than practice alone; therefore I cannot fence. All of the courtiers are scared of me (what's new), Mother Dearest is constantly busy, Uncle and Polonius are off plotting whatever scheme is this week's, and Father is calculating Politics and Numbers. (Do you know Politics and Numbers, love? They're dreadful. Save me.)

I've found a wonderful book I'm going to insist you read with me when I'm with you again. It's set in ancient Rome, my love, and that will be incentive enough for you! (I can offer others, of course- better in person (or I could send pictures...) to appreciate red lace and black silk. Flattering stuff, especially when applied to hugging one's curves. (You'd better be turned on as hell by the concept of me in lingerie or I'll have to let someone else appreciate it properly. (Joke.))

I've decided that I want a pet. It could keep me company as I waste away without you. Have you ever seen a macaw? They're terribly interesting, and I figure a bird would be a lovely way to scare the hell out of Mother. (She hates birds. It's hysterical.) Answered: should I get myself a macaw? Yes. Unanswered: what might one name a macaw? What sort should I get? Should I get more than one? What curses can I teach it? I require your guidance!

Or perhaps one of those hissing cockroaches that a friend from Verona told me about. Endless possibilities...

Don't go kissing any boys prettier than me. (Partial joke; if you located and kissed a boy prettier than me, I'd be dually heartbroken and impressed. On one hand, I will know you have been taken from me. On the other, I am feeling rather stunning in the previously mentioned lingerie, so a prettier boy will be absolutely jaw-dropping. I digress.)

Tell me about Summer Wittenberg, and yourself. I miss you.

Prince Hamlet

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Sweet Prince,

I would come retrieve you, but I do not think my presence at Elsinore would be welcomed by anyone other than yourself and Ophelia. Besides, someone needs to look after the miniature library that's sprung up in our dorm. (Point of origin: your shelf. I have not returned any library books of yours despite how it pains me, so do not fret. They're waiting for you much like I am.)

Politics and Numbers, oh my. Our political science lecture has followed you back home, hm? We do not have to take that particular course next year and I do not mourn the loss. The glares you got from the professor!

You know I'd read any book you recommend, incentive or no. (You are very convincing, though, and knowing you I won't have to wait very long to experience this. Not to give you ideas, but... wear it under your clothes when you return to me?)

My lord, a macaw is a lot of work. An appropriate animal companion for your rank, I suppose, and anything is better than a cockroach. Answered: name it something interesting, but not insane. The blue, green, and yellow ones are rather gorgeous. JUST GET ONE. Please, for my sake, teach it poetry instead.

To reiterate: no cockroaches.

Rest assured, dear prince, I will not be kissing any boys in your absence. Taking into account that outfit of yours, I have all the more reason to stay true. Good things come to those who wait, yes?

See if you can acquire transport here after Her Majesty has run out of reasons to host those garden parties you despise.

Always yours, Horatio

P.S. Summer Wittenberg is rather bland. I haven't my prince or my classes, so I'm nearly as bored as you. In a nutshell, am reading. Constantly. No thanks to your homegrown library.

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Just a little something to occupy my brain when I'm afraid to close my eyes. There'll most likely be a part two at some point, these are a lot of fun.