Shakespeare one shots

A very grave man

HI

SO UM

I REREAD ROMEO AND JULIET

BUT KINDA FORGOT ABOUT SOMETHING

IT HIT ME PRETTY HARD

SOOOOOOO

HAVE SOME GOOD OL' ANGST

And it's the promised Mercutio x reader, so that's nice. I'll try my best to keep it gender neutral, because I know how annoying it is when they're not.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Later edit: everything except the last paragraph is 100% anatomy neutral. I'm sorry the last one isn't, but I had a sudden idea that I just couldn't not do. I'm sorry.

~ Mercutio's PoV ~

Let me start by making it clear that Tybalt started it.

I didn't get out of bed that day wanting a fight. I didn't walk to the tavern hoping for a brawl. I didn't crave bloodshed.

Unfortunately for me, Tybalt did.

I'd maaaybe had one too many drinks, but my mind was still clear as always and sharp as a sword. Benvolio had only had water all evening. As per usual.

We were close to leaving when my least favorite Capulet and a few of his crew strode in. Tybalt's scarred face, as always, wore a scowl, as though he was disgusted by everything he set eyes on.

To be fair, I would do the same after looking in the mirror each morning if I was him.

As Benvolio and I got up to leave, the Capulet noticed us.

"Montagues!" he barked.

I sent a sly grin to my friend beside me, noting but not responding to the obvious "Just walk away!" look on his face.

Poor Benvolio. He was developing worry lines because of me.

"Yes, Tybs?" I responded sweetly, turning to face him while fluttering my eyelids.

"My name is Tybalt," he growled.

"Oh yes, I'm aware. I often hear it used in the place of various household vermin."

"How dare you!" he roared, gripping the hilt of his sword tightly.

"That's a difficult question to answer. You see, I know why I dare, but to explain how would be to comprehend the human mind, which is not complex enough to comprehend itself. If the mind were complex enough to do so, it would again be too complex to comprehend itself," I answered haughtily.

"Mercutio, this isn't a good idea," Benvolio muttered through clenched teeth.

"That's never stopped me before," I hummed back.

"That's true, but Y/N is usually here to stop you from doing anything too stupid. Maybe I've got better eyesight than you, but in case you didn't know, Y/N isn't here!" he hissed.

"God, Benvolio! I'm aware!"

Tybalt was ready to draw his sword, and he knew damn well that if he did, mine would follow.

Very well, I thought. He'll have his fight.

"Shall we take this conversation outside, my rageful comerad?" I suggested.

Tybalt rolled his eyes, stomping past me into the street. I gave Benvolio a pat on the cheek and started to follow, but he pulled me back.

"Mercutio, please don't do this," he begged.