Smile [Ziall]

18.

Today was Family day at the hostel.

Also Louis' favorite day, and the day I hate with a burning passion. And you can probably understand why.

I'd been living in this hostel for the deaf and mute for about an year now, and the staff here organised a Family day after every six months, which was a huge lawn party sort of thing with food and everything, in which families visited and spent time with their kids.

Sure, many parents like Liam's still loved their kids, but had put them in this state-of-the-art hostel  so he can recieve proper education without feeling out of place.

Also there was Louis, who had practically pleaded his family to put him in here, so he can feel at ease being around people like himself and not be bullied like he did at the school back home for being a dumb, mute kid.

But then there was me. Who had been tossed here against his will, almost being screamed in his face that he was a freaking burden to his family.

Louis' sisters and mum visited him everytime, Liam's parents always did. And mine? I always had to sit all alone and wait for this hellish day (for me only) to be over, watching my friends have the best day. I had stopped hoping for my mother to show up ages ago.

I was sitting on one of the marble steps of the building which led to our room, trying to keep the scowl of my face. I'd be damned if I dressed up for this day, but of course, Louis and Liam had every right to be excited and dressed up.

You gonna be okay? Louis signed, his eyes shining with concern, and I nodded, waving him off. Liam patted me on the shoulder comfortingly, and then they both left to meet their families, and I have never felt so alone and abandoned before. I have no idea why this year, it felt ten times worse.

From where I was sitting, I could see Louis grinning preciously and bounding to his mum, hugging the life out of her, and then attacking his little sisters.

I couldn't see Liam around; he too must have found his family.

Seeing my best friend so happy made me smile, but made my heart ache for myself. I felt a tear cascading down my cheek and harshly wiped it off.

I can't stay out here.

I saw Louis making his way back to me, inviting me to join his family like always, so I won't feel left out, but I refused and took off at the back, to my safe place.

I almost tripped twice on the way, but as soon as I reached the rocks, I tossed me backpack with my journal down, pulled my knees up, and finally cried at my stupid life. I know my depression was coming back, I could feel it creeping on my mind and thoughts like a cloying blanket as my crying turned to throat scratching sobs.

My stupid life in which I'm nothing for my family, the boy I like thinks I'm a kid, and you know the best thing?

I can't ever hear the bad things they always say about me.

[ oh dear. poor nialler is feeling down again. :( someone needs to cheer him up (; ]