Smile [Ziall]

43.

I hadn't seen Zayn since the cereal incident yesterday, because I had skipped breakfast and lunch today, and Louis had understood without me needing to say anything, sneaking me some food. I was seriously so lucky to have found someone like Louis.

Someone who stands up for me, will do anything to stop me for hurting and is actually concerned for me to the point that it touches me deeply. At least I was lucky in friendship, if not in love.

Zayn had made no effort to approach me, and it had been two whole days since the bonfire night.

But, I wondered. What if he did want to talk now, and I was hiding out from him?

I know it was too good to be true, but a small part of me hoped for it to happen.

And so ignoring the rational part of my brain, I shrugged on my sweatshirt and tied my sneakers, stepping out and shutting the door behind me, making my way to the only place I could think of.

Our-- my, my bench.

- - -

I just sat on my bench, taking deep breaths with my eyes closed, reveling in the comfort that my safe haven provided me.

As much as I felt lighter, something still felt amiss. And I knew what was missing. I was missing someone who cuddled with me on this bench and had dubbed it our bench, who played with my fingers when we held hands, who always kept asking me if my opinion about the waves changed and I'd answer no, they fascinate me just as much as they did yesterday and then he'd counter my answer by saying that he was now fond of me more than he was yesterday.

Was he ever?

I drew in a shaky breath, not realising I was crying as I felt the whipping wind dry the tear streaks on my reddened cheeks.

And as much as I tried to stop thinking about Zayn, I couldn't. This place, my little sanctuary had been completely taken over by Zayn. And was a stupid idea to come here. It was idiotic of me to wait for him to show up here again.

But still, I did. I did wait. I kept sitting there, just thinking about Zayn and I, until it got too dark and too cold and I had no choice but to get back before someone came looking for me and I freezed to death.

- - -

I was lying in bed now, idly tossing a small ball up and down in my hands, not in the mood to do anything else. The boys were playing nightly tug of war outside in the campus ground, and nearly everyone was outside to watch and participate, the building almost empty.

The boys had tried many times to get me out of bed and to join in with them, but I had vehemently refused. Ashton too was worried about me, and I'd just lied and told him it was a family problem that had me so down.

No one had really questioned why Louis had thrown his cereal on Zayn as no ever had a problem with Zayn. But Louis is Louis, so yeah.

And so the lads had left me in the room, as I curled up in bed alone, throwing the ball away with a huge sigh as I got bored of it. I tried to read a book to distract myself, but it just wasn't working.

I felt Louis standing at the foot of my bed, and wearily lifted my eyes up from the words to see what he wanted.

But my breath caught in my throat as I saw Zayn standing there, looking straight at me with pleading eyes, his arms tightly crossed on his chest as if to shield himself.

I blinked at him for a few seconds, my mind taking a while to process that Zayn was actually in my room, staring at me.

I finally got to my senses and sat bolt upright, glaring at him, as if to ask, what do you want? as my hurt and anger took over.