Maintaining Dominance

Chapter 18

It's been three weeks since the night Nathan and I last had sex. I still hate myself for being so weak and that first week was terrible for me to get through. It was something I hadn't been accustomed to before, not the hurt of death but the hurt of being used. Jessie lied in bed with me, she always kept stroking my hair out of my face.

I haven't been this depressed since I started dealing with the loss of Trevor. I cried so much, not understanding what I had done wrong when I had only tried to help him. Jessie and I both missed that week of school and Amelia eventually came to make sure we were alive. I didn't say anything but she and Jessie talked. My mother also sat with me, but only briefly, because she couldn't leave Easton unattended.

The second week I went back to school but avoided talking to anybody, except Jessie and Amelia. When Jake challenged me, I just walked by and acted like I didn't care. Jessie and I kept up our act, but things were getting heated between us behind closed doors. We would almost go too far, almost like we were in heat, perhaps it was just knowing that somebody was available for a bit of a distraction.

Now it's finals week for the first semester and I am stressed more than I have been in a long time. Usually, I have excellent attendance, but this year it has gone to hell. My finals will count against me and my grades are nearly perfect so I don't want to mess them up. Jessie and I have been studying on and off but it seems like we know most of it. Even now, as she sits there, glaring at the pages of our math book, I know she will do fine.

"Hey, Hayden, do you want to go get dinner. Maybe we could order in. I am starving and since your mother is on that trip for work and she took Easton with her, there isn't much food here." Her voice brings me out of my thoughts and I shake my head. She smirks and I bite down on my pen, I can't think about anything except finals. Amelia usually studies with us but today Nathan is helping her in her sociology class.

"Hmm, let's just order in and take a break. I'm fried." I tell her and stand from the dining room table. I take my glasses off and rub my eyes, it's been a long time since I have had to wear them.

I call and order us a pizza, letting Jessie choose what kind we get. As we wait I lie down on the living room couch and she lies on top of me, using my body heat to stay warm. Her eyes are black under them and she has gotten pale from the lack of sleep she has been getting. I place my hand on her head and run my fingers through her hair, gently so she may take a nap while we wait for the food.

"Hayden?" Her voice is so soft that I almost don't recognize it. I peek down at her and she looks up at me with a look I did not recognize. "Have you ever thought of going all the way when we get carried away?" I am shocked by her question but decide not to lie to her.

"Yeah, but you haven't had sex before and I have never been with a woman before. I don't think you should lose your virginity to me." I turn my head so I am looking at the blank TV. She is just now awakening in a sexual sense, but all of her first should not just be with a friend. She places her hand against my cheek and makes me look back at her.

"Your body and mine are in sync, which is weird, but no matter what happens between us, I will never leave your side. Next time, if you feel like going all the way, I trust you enough to finish the job." I am surprised and sit up. Her body slides down and she grasps the front of my shirt. We just look at each other for a moment and I can feel my face heating up.

"J-Jessie, who says that I will even know what to do. True, Trevor and I never cared who topped or bottomed, but what if I can't please you or hurt you?" She smiles slightly and she laughs a bit. She grabs one of my hands and places it on his hip.

"My body is a live wire, hungry, and all-consuming. Anything you do, it won't be wrong." She sounds so sure of herself. Though, I remember what it felt like to never have had any kind of sexual encounters before. It was nerve-wracking, but I was also much younger than she is now.