Some Wounds Never Heal

We'll Be Together Before You Know It

Chapter 44:

Oliver's Point of View

"Dear Beckinsile, How are things up there? Is everyone being nice to you? Is God taking good care of you? I hope you're making some nice friends up there to spend eternity with. Things down here are going fine. We all miss you like crazy but we'll live, we have to, I guess. Everything has changed now that you've left. There always feels like there's something missing. The world feels just a little bit more lonely, my world in particular. You were my world. All I could ever think about was how I was so lucky to have you and how much I loved you. Most people think that teenagers don't know what love feels like but I think we know it better than anyone else. Teenagers may be stupid and impulsive sometimes but we feel our emotions with everything that we have. I know what love feels like because I felt it with you. Every time I held you, every time I kissed you and every moment I spent with you showed me what love was. I could feel your love even when we weren't together because you had such a deep effect on me. You were always so funny and so loyal and you loved with everything you had. Every time we were together I'd wish our time would last forever. Things with you always seemed brighter and I could never be in a bad mood around you because you were like a light in the dark. So, I can't understand why God would want to take the light away but I guess he has his reasons. I still remember the night you left the world like it just happened a few minutes ago. I remember the jolt the initial slam sent throughout the car. I remember watching the light leave your eyes. I remember frantically searching your neck for a pulse before realizing that there was none. I remember feeling so hopelessly lost when my mom told me that you didn't make it. I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and all I could think about was you. Nothing mattered anymore, I needed to see you, and I needed to feel you in my arms but the fact that I'd never be able to do those things kept hitting me over and over again. I didn't know up until my mom told me but you died right in front of me. I watched you die, Beckinsile and I'm truly sorry that there was nothing I could've done. I wish every day that I'll wake and this'll be just some cruel dream. I wish that I'll go to school and see you sitting at your usual place in class, waiting for me to come. I know it's stupid to even think these things but it's the only hope I have left. I'm so jealous of the people who get to pretend that their dead loved ones are still here because I can't do that. I felt your neck, I knew there was no pulse but I held on and that hurt me even more. I can't even pretend that there's any hope that you'll come back because I know you won't. I know you're gone and that's killing me from the inside out. I remember when I first saw you at the soccer game. You looked so bored and spent the whole time looking down at your phone. I remember laughing a little at that but you looked so beautiful that I couldn't even joke about you. It hurt when you decided to date Kyle. I know you didn't know me but I felt like I had a chance with you. When I found out what he did to you I felt like beating him up for hurting you because you didn't deserve to be treated that way. The minute you sat down behind me in math I decided that this was the year I was going to make you mine and I feel so lucky that things went that way. You taught me what it was like to love someone with all my heart and you taught me what true happiness is. I can never thank you enough for being my everything, even for the little time we had together and what we had will stick with me for eternity. You restored my faith in love and in humanity and even though you aren't physically here anymore, I believe that this effect that you left will stick around longer than anyone sitting in this very room. I'm sorry you're missing out on the rest of your life. I'm sorry that we won't get to continue our story. I'm sorry things didn't go the way you planned. I'm sorry there was nothing I could do to save you. I wish with all my heart to go back to that night and change everything so that you could still be here but I can't do that. Someday we'll be together again, Princess but until then please take care of yourself. Just promise me that when I die you'll be up there waiting for me. I love you, Beckinsile and I can never tell you that enough. I wish I could still tell you this and have you respond but I guess this letter will just have to do. I'll love you with all I have, forever and always, Beautiful. We'll be together before you know it, Oliver." I look at the crowd of faces again and see everyone has tissues out and tears running down their faces.