Chapter 48:
Oliver's Point of View
"I don't know why you guys came...You can't change my mind...I can't deal without her." My voice is void of all emotion which can only mean that soon enough I'm going to crack and all the emotion will come bubbling out.
"She wouldn't want you to do this." Cody says in a gentle tone.
"I know," My voices breaks down. "But I can't live without her, she was my everything..."
"She'd want you to have enough courage to carry on without her; she'd want you to live for her because she'll never get the chance." Eli chimes into the conversation and I feel him staring at my back like it'll make me come down.
"No, I need to be with her..." I say as I walk a centimeter more towards the edge.
"We all do but we have to live our lives because she'll never get the chance to finish living hers." Ed tries to keep his voice calm for my sake.
"I have to be with her," I say with as much force as I can muster.
"We get that, Oliver. She truly loved you and she wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Xander's voice cracks and I turn around to find him tearing up.
I walk off the ledge, stand right in front of it and turn to face them because we all know this isn't over.
"She would be having the same debate if the roles were reversed. I should be the one in the ground, not her; I'd do anything to have the roles reversed." I say as a fresh round of tears cover my cheeks.
"Oliver, unfortunately there is nothing we can do about that; we just have to carry on..." Fiona says, finally adding something to the conversation.
"I can't just pick up the pieces and move on, I can't do it...It's not right," I mutter trying to get a grip on my wild emotions.
"No one is expecting you to..." Ed's tone is soothing but has no effect on my mood.
"I was in that car, I watched her die; she took her last breaths right in front of me and that will haunt me for the rest of my life..." I whisper and turn back towards the ledge.
"Oliver," Ed warns.
"I need her back, she deserved more time, we deserved more time. I was and still am in love with her but we'll never get to have lives together because of that crash and it pains me to even think about that. I'll never move on from her; there's no way I can when I still see her every time I close my eyes." My eyes burn as I look out at the night sky.
"Oliver, please don't do this...Think about what you're doing..." Fiona cries out but I continue on as if she didn't say a thing.
"I can't properly function with her gone. Sometimes I can barely breathe when memories of her flash across my brain. I see her eyes, her smile and sometimes if I stand really still I can feel her arms wrapped around me. When this happens, I have to clutch onto something because for the life of me I don't think I can carry on. I can't continue this way. This is not how I'm supposed to live my life. Why did this happen to her of all people?" I inhale sharply and set my hand on the ledge.
"I don't know, Mate." I look behind me and see that no one's made a move to come near me.
All of them just stand near the ladder that brought them up and stare at me through wide, scared eyes.
"I don't know what to say. All of us feel this way. There's no way we'll ever move on. This will follow us for the rest of our lives. This will make us question why we carry on, everyday, for the rest of our lives but we have each other to lean on. We have to stay strong for her and for each other." I look behind me and I see all their tear stricken faces staring back at me.
They look like their begging me to stay but I just can't handle the grief anymore. I have to be with her again and nothing on this mortal earth will hold me back.
"I know but I can't; I loved her, I will never love anyone the way I loved her. There's no person in this world that could make me feel the way she did. Nobody," I step up onto the ledge and close my eyes.
"Oliver, please don't do this...If you won't stay for us, please stay for your family; they've been through so much already...I don't think they'd survive if you left them..." I hear Fiona crunch a few steps forward in the gravel but she stops before she reaches me.
"Oliver, you have people here who love you...We're all here for you...We'll always be here for you and Beckinsile will be waiting up there for you when your time comes." Eli's voice is shaky and his heavy breathing is the only sound on the roof.
"Thank you guys...Thank you for trying to save me and for sticking by me when I felt like no one else would but she was my first love and I intend on getting her back."
There's a numb in my toes
Standing close to the edge
There's a pile of my clothes
At the end of your bed
As I feel myself fall
Make a joke of it all
You know I'll be your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
My love
My heart
Is breathing for this moment
In time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
....
My footing slips out from under me and I go barreling towards the ground. I feel the air rush around me and then I hit the ground, head first with a loud smack. I can feel my body shutting down. I don't feel any pain or grief or guilt anymore. I'm so close to being with her again, to holding her again, to talking to her again.
I can almost make out the faint sounds of sobbing and screaming coming from the roof but I don't care anymore. They'll get along without me; everything will be better this way.
My life flashes before my eyes as my heart slows down. My chest rises one more time and then deflates slowly like an old balloon. I'm slipping slowly away from the life I don't want to live anymore and I'm coming closer and closer to the life I'd rather live. My body finally shuts down and my eyes droop closed; I made it.
YOU ARE READING
Some Wounds Never Heal
Teen Fiction**Watty Honorable Mention/Undiscovered Gem** He lies awake in bed, thoughts of her still overpowering his brain. He wants her back lying next to him. He needs to feel her touch just one last time and maybe then he could move on. But that's not possi...
