Please // Matty Healy

the third

A/N: Welcome back to my 4 readers, you all are homies. This chapter is longer than my others and I reference a lot of things Matty has talked about in interviews, so props if you catch any of them.  Anyways, enjoy loves!                                                                                       _________

It felt like it had been years, but in reality, it had only been a couple of weeks. After getting the money from Elias for my last delivery, he hadn't asked me to do another. He probably didn't trust me after that night of not responding and staying at Matty's. 

How I longed to be at Matty's again. In my own flat, the coffee was bitter and the wine was cheap. The place was weakly decorated due to the fact that I could hardly afford to pay the rent and maintain it, much less make it look nice. But at least here I wasn't a burden to anyone. I was simply left alone with my relentless thoughts of him. 

His words from that night replayed in my head. "It's all just a distraction, darling. Escapism at it's most delightful".  That escapism he was pitching suddenly seemed quite nice, the dangerous white powder nearly idyllic. Too bad I couldn't afford it, at least not at Elias's price. But I wasn't desperate enough to stoop down so low and get mixed up with the wrong dealers on the streets. 

The fact that I even felt the longing inside to achieve that level of intoxication frightened me. Before I met Matty, I swore to myself and everyone around me I would never turn to drugs. Before I met Matty, I never knew I could fall for someone in this way, a way that frightened me. These feelings I could not control, as they were so much bigger than my head, but also the aching in my beating heart, the passion in my bones, the adrenaline in my bloodstream, coursing through my veins. With him, inhibitions went out the window, my heart and my mind sending me mixed messages, tearing me apart. I never knew the pain of desire when the one you desire does not feel the same. Before I met Matty, I never knew what longing was.                                                              ________

This is a bad idea, I kept saying to myself, yet I couldn't seem to stop typing. No control.  It had been exactly 23 days since I'd last seen Matty. 23 days since I read what he had written. I hate that I was keeping track. I practically said it like a prayer every night. It was so quizzically poetic, and I could nearly hear his voice when I repeated it to myself.

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it.

It was almost as though he was writing it to me, like a letter. Perhaps it would have been a letter if I hadn't left so quickly. I should have never seen it. 

I finished typing, not even hesitating a moment before sending the message.

14:27

Jess: Hey, do you have any more deliveries for Matty? 

I inhaled sharply as my phone buzzed moments later

Elias: No, he's not here right now. He'll be all around London for the next couple of days, and then he's got a couple of gigs near Southampton. 

My curiosity got the best of me.

Jess: Gigs? You mean like a concert?

Elias: Yeah... Don't you know?

Jess: Know what?

Elias: He's in a band, Jess. He's rather popular actually. They are called the 1975.

I recognized the band name instantly. Rather popular my ass, these guys were famous as fuck, especially in the UK. I ran over to my growing collection of records, digging through them until landing on a black one with big, bold letters in the center.