Cuts and Coffee - Isak Valtersen

~ What a Feeling ~

»What a feeling to be right here beside you now,
holding you in my arms.
When the air ran out and we both started running wild,
the sky fell down.
But you've got stars, they're in your eyes.
And I've got something missing tonight.
What a feeling to be a king beside you, somehow.
I wish I could bet there now.«

Mandag
Isak opened his eyes.
He was still at Even's place.

"Evy?", Isak asked, looking to his right side.
There was Even. His eyes were open and he looked like he hadn't been able to sleep in a long while.
Well, he was actually awake the whole night.
That'd explain the bags under his eyes.
"Evy, what's wrong?", Isak asked, his heart sank at the sad facial expression of Even.
Even exhaled. "I feel so lost. Like I'm not myself", Even mumbled, tears started to stream down on his face.

Isak pulled Even closer to his bare chest.
He could feel Even's shaky breath on his right nipple, but he didn't mind.
"It's going to be okay", Isak said while stroking Even's back.
"I can't see it", Even said, his voice sounded empty and frail.
"Baby", Isak said and Even buried his face deeper into Isak's chest, his warm tears tickled Isak's skin.
Even's chest started to shake, he was crying very heavily now.

All over sudden he stood up, pulled on his own hair and fell to his knees.
"God, Isak! Make it stop, please!", Even cried, the desperation in his eyes hurt to look at.
Isak stood up and rushed to Even. "C'mere baby, it's going to be over soon", he said while pulling Even's shaking body closer to his own.
The two boys sat on the floor, Isak caressed Even's cheek.
"I'm mentally ill, Isak. I'm very ill. Are you sure you're going to stay with me?", Even's voice sounded so broken, Isak couldn't help but cry as well.

He gently cupped Even's face.
"Of course, baby! I love you so much, I would never leave you because of your mental illness. I've learned so much in the past couple of months, I won't leave you. I'm always here for you.
I might not always know how to help you, but I swear I'm always going to try my best", Isak said, his warm tears fell down on Even's cheeks.
A weak smile spread across Even's lips, his eyes were burning because of how hard he had cried.
"Takk", he weakly said before he shut his eyes.
Isak carried Even to his bed and tucked him in. He didn't know how he had managed to carry a man that was taller than him, but he was happy that he had managed to do that at all.
Even was asleep, Isak left off to school.

He had missed about two classes, but he didn't care.
Those were precious 90 minutes, in which he had helped Even as best as he could.
Isak arrived at school. It was break time now.
"Halla Isak! Where were you at?", Jonas asked.
Isak dropped his backpack next to his chair.
"I was at Even's place. He is going through a depressive episode again, it is really bad", Isak said, wiping away some last tears.
Jonas frowned at the sight. He pulled Isak into a tight hug.
"What happened?", Mahdi asked, walking up to the two, Magnus was with him.
Isak told the boys everything, luckily their teacher was a little bit too late.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to tell the boys about this morning.

"Oh boy, that sounds really bad. Is Even on medication or something?", Magnus asked.
Isak shrugged. "I don't know, but I think so. He told me something about it a few weeks ago", he answered.
Magnus nodded, taking a big bite of his sandwich.
"And how are you doing?", Jonas asked, slowly stroking Isak's shoulder. Isak sighed.
"I'm worried. Alright, but worried. I'm so afraid, that Even might not be strong enough. I mean, I know he is, but when people hit rock bottom too hard, you never know if their strength is enough to get through it", Isak said, wiping his cheeks once more.
Jonas nodded.
The bell rung and Isak sighed.
And the day had just begun.

While Isak was at school, Even tried to pull himself out of this dark and scary hole that he was trapped in.
"Hopeless" by Always Never was playing on SoundCloud.
The song made Even even more sad, the opposite of what he wanted.
But sometimes, you need to get it all out with the help of a good song in order to keep on going.
Even cried. He cried really hard.
He wrapped his arms around his chest, desperately trying to stop himself from shaking.
The pain inside of his chest wasn't dying and it hurt so much.
The tears burnt Even's cheeks and his eyes started to become dry and red.
"It hurts so goddamn much", Even muttered, he couldn't breathe.
Was this ever going to end?

The bell rang and another day at school was over.
Isak grabbed his backpack as fast as he could, ran out of the building, said his friends' goodbye and sprinted to the tram.
While the tram drove him to Even's place, he texted with Eskild. He needed to explain to him why he hadn't been at home for over three days.
At Even's place, Isak sprinted to Even's apartment. The stairs were giving him a hard time again, but Isak had no time to complain.
He opened the front door, Even hadn't locked it again.

Isak took a few minutes to catch his breath before he walked into Even's bedroom.
But Even wasn't in his bed.
The window was open and the chilly air was moving the curtains around.
Isak's mind shut off and went numb. Did Even...? No, did...he?
Before he could do anything else, his knees gave in and Isak fell to the ground.
"Eveeeennnn!", he screamed, his chest hurt and he couldn't breathe properly.

"I'm here!", a frail voice shouted in the distance.
Isak got up and looked around.
He stepped closer to the window and there he was - his Even.
Even laid on top of a blue, flat roof.
His facial expression made Isak shiver.
"I'm on my way", Isak said, already sitting on the edge of the windowsill.
He carefully made his way down to Even.

"Are you in pain?", Isak asked concerned.
Even bit his lip and shook his head.
It was a lie, though. His ribs were hurting a bit, but mostly his left arm.
"C'mon, let's get out of here", Isak said before he pointed to his back.
Even got on it and Isak climbed off the roof. Where the sudden strength came from was a mystery for another day, but Isak was grateful that he had it right now.
The two arrived safely back inside of Even's apartment.
Isak wrapped Even in a fuzzy blanket and made him two kardemomme toasties.
"You can talk about it later, it's important that you get some more rest now", Isak said after Even's tea was ready.
Even nodded, he hadn't spoken that much since Isak had got him back inside.

The two sat down on the couch and cuddled.
Isak had been so busy these last couple of days, he hadn't eaten in two days.
Even heard the grumbling of Isak's stomach, which caused him to get up and make two kardemomme toasties for Isak.
"Takk, baby. Very nice of you", Isak said after Even had sat down on the couch again.
The two cuddled and enjoyed the mere presence of one another until Even fell asleep.
Isak got up, he had to get some schoolwork done.

After four hours, it was 10 pm and Isak was beyond tired.
"Come, Evy, let's go to bed", Isak said and Even got up.
"Thanks for being there for me, Issy", Even said, his voice was raspy from not speaking in a long way.
Isak smiled weakly.
"No problem, sweetie. Remember? I'll always save you right back, yeah?", Isak said and Even smiled softly.
The two went to bed, Isak still hadn't told Eskild when he'd come back home.
But that didn't matter right now.

What mattered was, that Isak was there for Even.
And the other way around.
The two had got each other, always.
And that was all that counted to them.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

(Wortcount: 1414 words)