Cuts and Coffee - Isak Valtersen

~ Stuck in my brain again ~

»See, I would give my soul away not to feel this.
Struggle with it everyday, it's an illness.
I just sit and lie awake, on some real sh*t.
Looking for a great escape might jump off a building.«

Søndag
Everything around Even felt dark and icy.
He felt like his head would go into overdrive mode and control things on his own.
Pulling on his own hair and screaming didn't help much.

Isak came back into the bedroom with another cup of tea for his boyfriend.
What Isak saw broke his heart. His boyfriend laid there, his eyes weren't glowing and he wasn't smiling.
Instead, his eyes seemed grey and lifeless, he was raiding such a big amount of lifelessness.
It was scary to see.
"Come, Evy, you need to eat something", Isak said, since his boyfriend tended to not eat whenever he had a depressive episode.
But Even just shrugged.
All over sudden, the 22-year old got up and started yelling at Isak.

"YOU need to help ME, Isak! Can't you see that I'm suffering?! I need to know that you still love me! Do you still love me, Issy?!", he screamed and Isak started to shake.
"Of course I love you! I would never leave you because of your mental illness or anything like that!", Isak yelled, causing Even to be quiet for a second.
"I need to feel real, Isak", Even mumbled, his voice sounded broken and empty now.
Isak sat down on the bed, Even laid back down.
"I know the feeling. When I needed to feel real again, I used to harm myself. I don't know if I have ever told you, but now you know. I don't do it anymore, because you showed me how to feel real. By loving you I feel so great, it filled the dark hole inside of me. Even, I don't know if you want to do this now, but if you want to feel real right here and right now, let me kiss you", Isak said, the taller Norwegian had stopped crying.

"Okay", he mumbled.
Isak didn't hesitate to cup his boyfriend's face and put his own lips on Even's.
The feeling of excitement and love ran through their veins, causing them to feel better.
Even calmed down, his breathing went from irrational to normal and his heart calmed back down.
And Isak wasn't so shocked because of the yelling earlier anymore.

"Isak. I don't know what I'd do without you. It might sound overdramatic now, but if I hadn't met you I would have thrown myself off a building.
I had planned on doing that this year, but then I met you and that gave me the motivation to wait a little longer. But you showed me the beautiful sites of life, which I wasn't able to see anymore.
You opened my eyes for this life again, I had shut them way too tight.
Thank you, Isak Valtersen, for making me see the light again. I love you wholeheartedly", Even said, tears were running down on his cheeks.

Isak pressed a kiss on Even's cheek.
"Even, thank you so much. You showed me how to love and accept myself and others, which is a very precious gift.
I love you from the bottom of my heart and I'll never ever let you go", Isak said and the two smiled at each other.
"Are you up for a cuddle session with the cuddle master Isak himself?", Isak asked, making Even smile.
"Yes, anytime my love", he said and Isak smiled happily.
Somehow Isak managed to tickle a smile out of Even, even in the darkest moments.
Isak leaned back against the wall, sitting up straight. Even leaned against Isak's body, absorbing almost all the warmth that Isak had.

Isak ran his hands through Even's hair.
Even let his head rest on Isak's chest, Isak had to slide down a bit.
They both stayed like that for almost half an hour, neither of them said anything.
"Evy? Do you want a massage?", Isak asked after a while of being quiet.
The older one nodded and Isak pulled away from him.
Even took off his Hoodie before he laid down on his stomach.

Isak sat down next to Even's back and started to massage his shoulders.
"Mm, that feels good", Even said and Isak couldn't help but smile.
He was glad that he could make Even feel a bit better, even if it only was for a few seconds.
Isak's hands went down on Even's back, massaging every muscle carefully.
Even let out a groan from time to time, feeling his muscles relax. He always had a very cramped up back whenever he was going through a depressive episode, so this massage was like heaven for him.
"Are you feeling a bit better, honey?", Isak asked and Even nodded.
"Yup. Umm, could you do me a favor? I'm going to go and get my pills and could you put off your hoodie while I'm gone?", Even asked.
"Sure, no biggie", Isak said as Even got up to get his pills.
He was taking them, but he tended to forget before he suffered a depressive episode.
To prevent feeling much worse, he decided to take them now.

As Even entered the bedroom, Isak was laying on his stomach already.
"Now I'm going to treat you really nice, babe. Since you're doing so much for me while I'm going through hell, I thought I could return the favor", Even said while his big hands ran over Isak's back.
He started to massage the smaller Norwegian, who was enjoying every second of this.
His shoulders and his back were hurting quite often due to the stress at school and his way of sitting at his desk, so this massage was perfect right now.

Later in the evening, the two took a hot bath.
The bath helped their backs to relax once more, the two would be more than ready to start strong and recovered into a new week.
While putting his Pyjama on, Even said: "Thank you so much Isak for taking care of me today. You didn't have to but you did anyway, which I appreciated."
Isak's heart warmed up. "No problem, my love. I thank you for returning the favor earlier. My back was so incredibly sore, it wasn't funny anymore", Isak spoke softly, approaching Even for a hug.
The both hugged each other before pulling apart.

In bed, Even came closer to Isak.
The rhythmic breathing of the two men filled the room and put them both to sleep.

A WhatsApp message from Eva: "Hei Isak. I know we didn't talk to each other in a long while, sorry about that, but since things are going to cool down at school soon I wanted to talk to you again. I also need your help with something, it'd be nice if you could help me out. Takk og vi snakker snart. [Thanks and we (will) talk soon.]"
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(Wortcount: 1170 words)