seeing red | rewriting!

Seeing Red: Ghost Chasing

| chapter 12 |

Later that day, around high noon, I was with the kids in the Education Cabin, reading to them. I like being a part of something like this... something real.

Something mine.

This was the first job I've had that Clancy didn't work to get me. I did this all on my own. I like being independent in this field of my life, but I also like having Clancy there for everything, and there whenever I need help.

Everything seemed simple... until I finished the book. How little it seemed to me and to everyone else around me, but I was clueless.

When I finished reading the book, I asked the young ones, "What should we do now?"

"We could read a new one!" One little girl responded. Everyone around her agreed and cheered, leaving me but to chuckle.

I sighed, getting up from my seat. Mike was there with me like he usually is, so I went over and said, "Hey Mike? Pay attention to them for a minute please? I'm gonna head to Clancy's cabin to find more books."

Clancy's cabin and the Education Cabin are the only ones with books, and since the Education Cabin has been through every single book at least twice, something new from Clancy's cabin is what they are probably looking for.

I knew Ruby was in there since Chubs told me recently that she was called in for something, which didnt bother me as much as I would have thought.

"Hey Clance," I said aloud so he knew I was coming, "I need to grab a new book for the kids so-"

But right when I walked in, I should have walked out. I should have turned away and never looked back. I should have made myself forget everything and just go. All the feelings from this morning of regret, guilt, shame... they all flooded back in like a tsunami.

The most horrible sight... a sight that's burned into my memory put there by Clancy himself.

He's on top of Ruby, trying to kiss her.

Didn't him and I just do it last night? I forced myself to stop thinking. Clancy did not care about me like I thought.

Without wasting another horrid second, I ran into the woods, hoping it would clear my head.

xxx

The walking trail in the woods surrounded the camp. I've walked it at least a hundred time with Clancy. This time though felt different. There were little things about the trail I never noticed before. I noticed the way the setting sun would shine through the trees, lighting up the world. How I've memorized the way the path goes like I've been doing this my entire life, only to then stand in the middle of it all confused.

I was clueless as to what I should do.

Cry? He didn't deserve my tears.

Yell at him? He didn't deserve to hear my breaking voice.

The only thing I could do was just sit in the green grass, taking in deep breaths. I had to control my anger... hide my hurt.

The way Clancy taught me.

"Oh what the hell," I said to myself. My fingers came in contact with nature, igniting a small spark. The spark grew into a flame, and eventually I discovered that I was standing in the middle of what seemed to be a fire circle.

The fire circle was able to protect me.

From what?

From everything.

From Clancy, from the PSFs, from the camp...

The one thing the fire circle kept inside its fire built walls was me, and refused to let anyone or anything in.

The fire that burns at the very tips of my fingers is more than what it is to be.

Red... that's who I am. It's fire... the sparks in my veins. I breathe it... I am it.

I am the fire the PSFs are afraid of. I am the flame.

The flame is me.

We are one.