F O U R ( 4 ) - N E V E R A G A I N
The sweet smell of cupcakes caught my nose. I guess the plus side to the bunker being occupied by a dead body is that I get to stay with Syd. Apparently her grandfather was a serpent? So her grandmother offered me a roof over my head, per Syd's request.
The first night was a little tricky.
Turns out Syd is a cuddler.
But looking past that it wasn't that bad. It was like having a best friend again. Well two best friends. Bowie wasn't too far from Syd's place. She actually spent the first night with the two of us.
Also turns out that Bowie is a cuddler.
I'm okay with it.
I think.
There's some tiny, big, part of me that wishes it was Izzy. Well not wishing that it was her in their place. Just that she wasn't in a cult, being brain washed, you know the usual.
But today I'm gonna just try to keep my stress level down.
Walking down the steps to the bakery, I carefully maneuver through the slightly busy cafe. I keep going until I'm inside the kitchen, where Syd usually resides. She's typically waiting for Harrison there but this time is different.
Instead of just Harrison greeting us, he's brought company.
With him are Fangs, Bowie and Sweet Pea.
They're all laughing at something which makes me look down at my clothes. Making sure that I'm not in my pajamas. I'm not.
I look back up at them.
"Hey, how'd you sleep roomie?" Syd said with a smirk.
Last night she cuddled me again. I rolled my eyes playfully at her. "Oh with you, it's always a treat."
I laughed at my own joke along with Bowie and Syd.
"Do I have to be worried that you'll leave me for Kimmy?" Harrison asked his girlfriend.
Syd shrugged her shoudlers-
Ha!
I looked over at Sweet Pea and Fangs who looked like they hadn't got a wink of sleep. I mean there is a dead body in that bunker. And they're probably the only ones who know about it here. I wonder if he told Bowie?
A knock on the back door made us all watch the door in anticipation.
It opened and in came my mother and my brother.
"Kimmy!" He shouted and pounced on me.
I wrapped my arms around his tiny body and picked him up. "Kurt I missed you so much."
"Momma told me that you can't come home because you have teenager stuff to handle." As he said it I looked over to her. For a hardened serpent that was a horrible excuse. I set him down on his feet and kneel down to his level. "I wish you would come home."
"I know." I sighed, but I can't do that. I can't be sad in front of him. He's a smart enough kid to put things together. I put on a fake smile. "But as soon as I'm done you'll be the first one to see me. Okay?"
He nods his head at me.
I stand back up straight and look at my mom.
"I need to talk to you," She says to me, then turns to the group. "can you guys watch him?" She asks them.
It's a bunch of yes's.
My mom opens the back door again and holds it open for me to leave through it. I don't walk too far from the bakery- because I'm fucking scared that my father is gonna jump out of a bush. I'm about four steps away when I turn around to face her.
She crosses her arms over her chest. "Look kid, I'm gonna be straight with you right now. If he joined that cult then we have limited options here."
He. I know who's she's talking about. He's the topic of all conversations I have. Almost all.
Limited options?
"What do you mean?" I ask- even though I'm pretty sure whatever she's about to say next is illegal.
She rocks on her heels. "If it comes down between you and him you know I choose you. No hesitation."
"Why do you think it will come down to that? Did he contact you?"
"No but he will. It's only a matter of time. And I have no doubt that it will be face to face."
I swallowed hard at that.
I look at her as she looks at me. It's in her eyes. It's written all over her. What she's willing to do for me, for Kurt. I know what she's capable of. When I was younger I used to separate my mother's caring and nurturing side from her serpent side.
But as I got older I knew.
I knew that there was no dividing line between the two. Because it was the two that made my mother. She's my mother through and through.
"Kurt and I need you. I know you know that but I want you to hear me say that out loud." I couldn't help the croak in my voice. And when I heard it, my eyes began to water.
She wastes no time in scooping me up in her arms. Even though she walked through the bakery for less than a few minutes I could smell the cupcakes on her. Tangled with her comforting smell.
"Nothings happened yet. We're all okay hun." Rubbing my back up and down she cradled my head in her hand.
I sniffled a bit, the tears already pouring down my cheeks. "I was greedy a-and- and I wanted that fairytale ending. But I was never gonna get that with him. I should've stayed here that summer with you and Kurt instead of desperately trying to have a father."
"Listen to me," She held my face away from her chest so she could look me in the eye. "When he left, he left a whole in your heart. A hole that needed to be filled. You were so young, and trusting. You wanted a father sweetheart. I couldn't blame you for that. Never."
"but-"
"He is the one who used the pain he caused you, the pain he caused all of us. I'm gonna make sure that he never does it again." She spoke so fiercely and then placed a kiss on my forehead.
I nodded silently at her. She was right. He had broken me. But he wasn't the one to heal me, and he never will be.
"Never again."
