DISREGARDED | riverdale

ii/iv

T W O (2) - W A R M  R E G A R D S 

It was like nothing had changed. Izzy's room was still the same. I guess she was so phased into the cult stuff that everything else was just a blur. It was nice though.

I decided to give Syd and her grandma a break for the weekend and camp out at the Incantu residence. Don't get me wrong Syd's cuddles are amazing and everything. But Izzy's? Felt like old times.

It had been a couple of days since she came to the bakery that night. And slowly but surely she was rubbing that cult shit out of her brain. She still dozes off from time to time, while eating, when no one is talking to her. 

But at least she can heal.

The girls were going to come over soon. Izzy wanted to meet them, and I wanted to catch up with whatever the hell was going on in this crazy town. More importantly how Evelyn is coping with losing Izzy as her cult project.

Until then though, it's just the two of us. And I know that she won't talk to them about any of the cult stuff. I also don't want to pry it out of her that can't be good for her healing process. But I can be there for her.

She and I sat on her porch swing. Lazily just swinging and watching the houses on her block.

"I saw them. Like with my own eyes." She just blurts out randomly.

Is she talking about her parents? Is that what the cult was doing? Praying on her grief and her hurt? It would make sense, use that to manipulate someone into being your puppet. It's not unheard of.

I looked at her for a quick second and played it off as looking at a neighboring house. "Did it feel good?"

"Yeah and no."

I wait for her to go on.

"I know that they are gone. They can't come back. But it was just nice to see them with smiles, like normal. It's nice for a while until you know, you realize that it's not real." She takes a breath and leans back with her feet up on the swing.

"Do you think maybe it's because you live in the same house, that like has something to do with it?" I ask already knowing the answer. During Freshman year when my father had left, it was hard coming home. Because everything was as it was before, except it wasn't.

"That, and then Isaiah having a job so far away. I could look at the kitchen and think that all of them are gonna come home but- they won't." She explains.

"Isaiah's back. I mean he could be someone to talk to about this. He's more hurt than he lets on." I can remember the call I had with him and the way he sounded. Like he felt he wasn't enough. They could both stand to talk to each other.

I look over at her and she's already looking at me.

"You really think that?"

"I know it."

-

I watch the girls as they all work like a hive mind in the kitchen. Apparently it does't take much to bond with one another? She's not talking about the cult stuff. But she's not trying to put on a smile either. It's like she already trusts them.

"Kimmy can you take over for me, Fangs is calling me." Bowie shouts.

I step into the kitchen and take her place of cutting up the carrots. I have no idea what they are making but I wasn't going to turn down food. 

Bowie and Fangs are kind of on the rocks right now. And by kind of I mean definitely.

She doesn't even go to another room to answer the call. Well, she only ever did that when it really needed to be a private conversation between the two of them but other than that everything she said we could hear loud and clear.

I keep my eyes on the cutting board even though I really want to look and listen in on the conversation.

Her words are kind of shaky. She's doing more listening than talking. And none of that can be good. It doesn't take long before she's off the phone and by my side helping me finish off the carrots.

When I reach the end of the one carrot that I'm slicing- because I'm being nosy, I've only gotten through one- I sneak a glance at her. 

Her eyes are laser focused on the carrots. Yeah that is definitely not good.

"What'd he want?" Syd beats me to it.

Oh shit here we go.

I watch carefully as she stops for a moment. She takes a breath in and then out. Like in through the nose and out through the mouth type of breathing. 

"To officially break up."

I put my knife down at that and there is silence in the kitchen. Bowie puts her's down too and grips the counter top for dear life. I look at Syd and Izzy who are turned around and watching her too.

But it's not me or Syd that speaks up.

"Do you wanna sleep over?" Izzy asks.

Bowie slowly turns around and looks at her. It's only for a second before she nods her head once. "Thanks."

"Uh yeah no problem. Boys are difficult." Izzy puts shortly with a small sympathy smile on her face.

"Tell me about it. Harrison Hanks is such a fuss." Syd adds in, making me stifle a giggle. There was a huge probability that she was telling the truth but I have no doubt that she'd take all the fuss in the world for him.

The front door opens and we all peek our heads over to see who it is. Even though it could only be one person I guess we all had to make sure. 

It was Isaiah.

He comes in with a pizza box in his hand and a liter of coke in the other. As he heads into the kitchen he must've seen Bowie's face. While the two don't know each other, it's hard to look away when someone's face is etched with sadness.

"I think we should all talk about our feelings, do we have face masks?" He asks the group of us.

I sling my arm around Bowie and hold her close. "Me and Bowie can make some homemade ones, just save us some pizza you gobblers."

Izzy and Syd leave the kitchen laughing, heading into the living room with Isaiah. I look over to Bowie who is probably all in her head about the break up. Can't blame her. But I don't think this break up is forever. I've seen the two of them in action and something just tells me that they have a couple more rounds around the sun before anything is set in stone.

She looks at me, "He's broken up with me a-and all I can think about is how I was gonna tell him I loved him."

Damn.

"I think you can still tell him that. Maybe not tonight but whenever you see him next in person. You hold onto him and tell him you're not going anywhere." I don't know how but I give her the advice.

I've never been in love.

I never had a boyfriend.

How did I know all of this shit? 

Izzy comes walking through the kitchen archway and she's got a couple of face masks in her hands. She holds them out for us to look at. 

"I found these in the bathroom and figured I'd save you guys the trouble of making it from scratch. Come on, Pizza's going fast." She waves us over and Bowie detangles herself from me to walk on.

But I don't.

I'm never going anywhere. I've said that to Izzy about a thousand times. And she's said that same thing back to me over a thousand times too. And we've meant it every single time. It was a promise that none of us ever broke.

If I'm thinking about it, it was probably our way of saying I love you. We've never said I love you to each other though. Not like in real life. In texts with emojis and miss spellings. But never in real life

My god-

I think I'm in love with Izzy.