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Ch. XXX - Lost Excitation.

3.5 Weeks Later

[ Chresanto. ]

Haha. I don’t know what the hell to start off.

But I’m here in New York, and I landed here since the weekend of VMAs. Trust me, it was crazy. Crazy as in Jay did something that he didn’t had business doing. On the months and days that his left leg was enclosed with a metal brace, he suppose to perform his songs acoustically. Instead, he made us to have a shock beholding by performing like he weren’t injured at all. His choreography was badass, but the whole thing he pulled off was insane. I asked him why in the hell and his answer was because he just wanted to throw a surprise. His performance is still the most talked about, other than that one time he exposed himself on Twitter—and he deleted those tweets knowing loads of people noticed than he thought.

I don’t know about anybody else but he did the right thing. Chances are, he probably had me in mind; and it’s obvious because what happened that night before. We have women that’s loving the hell outta us, and we loving the hell outta them but I still love Jacob to death. This friend zone thing isn’t recovering one fucking bit. Honestly, it was clearly my fault letting our love quit so damn early. Don’t even think about Ray Ray was the reprehensible one. I wish I was like him those years back when I was in fear and displeased, fight for us. I wish I didn’t give him the most pain he experienced.

I wish everything wasn’t too late.

Thinking about that night when he broke down, I still have no clue where all the pieces to my heart. I try to find them, but I eventually give up. Over the years I sucked up the heartbreak… until Jacob appeared back in my life.

I already introduced myself to his wonderful fiancée that’s also his manager and I held onto to his daughter, Farrah. I’m not against that he completely moved on, but I fade into jealously. My agenda is to start a family in about five years—when I’m thirty. Surprisingly, my girlfriend Des had the same plan. I mean, she’s a model so of course she would plan that. I’m loving the way how I’m talking about my girlfriend when I can’t get over my envy over my ex-boyfriend’s matured life. If we remained together, we could’ve adopt a kid and have schemes on proposing. Having Jacob’s great personal life in mind, it’s starting to hurt me predominately; because that should be me making him extra elated.

This is my revenge for being stupid as fuck. I may have a happy life as well, but when I think about Jacob, I quietly suffer from heartbreaks and reminisces. I remember those times we was lovers so much, I always have to warn myself that it wasn’t yesterday.

Presently, I’m just sitting in my hotel room thinking what should I do when I get home; other than having to finish the third season of AC with Daya. I could’ve went back to California in the start, but I decided to stick with Jacob for his last surgery. Days ago, the surgery on him went pretty successful like his supporters and I hoped and prayed. He’s ten times happy that he don’t have to wear that secure brace anymore. He just have to travel on-foot with a cane though, because he’s not fully recuperated on his stance after being under the knife. But everything else, Jacob’s finer than ever.

To top of this weekend since I’m here in Manhattan, we proceeded to hang out. Jacob stepped out for a while so he’ll be back in a minute—before he head back to his place. I gave him my key card because I figured I won’t go anywhere else.

“I’m back,” Jacob entered in, ambulated with his black cane and a black plastic bag.

He’s back now and I’m curious what’s in that bag. But I’m guessing it’s some nice, unhealthy junk food in case he want to have a movie night.