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chapter song the avett brothers: no hard feelings (i fully recommend listening to this song while reading)
1981
When my body won't hold me anymore And it finally lets me free Will I be ready?
El awoke disgruntled, but not in the sterile ugliness of the hospital room. Instead, she opened her eyes to the poster-plastered walls of her bedroom back in Louisiana. She was confused. How did she get here? More importantly, why was she here? She slowly crept out of her twin-sized mattress and made sure to grip the sheets just to see if this was real. She looked around the room. Nothing had changed. She felt 15 again. Wait. Was she 15 again?
When my feet won't walk another mile And my lips give their last kiss goodbye Will my hands be steady?
She exited her room and carefully tiptoed down the hallway toward the stairs. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the family pictures lining the walls of the steps. Her mother had life in her eyes. Ezra was so carefree. El was smiling from ear to ear and every single one of them. And their father-
"Eleanor!"
El gasped and swiftly turned to the direction of that voice. The one she hadn't heard in so long. "Daddy!" She raced down the steps and nearly pummeled her father to the ground. He still smelled the same, like cedar and mint, a smell so quintessential about her father. She was squeezing him so tight she could have killed him, but he was already dead. "What are you-How are you here!?"
He combed his fingers through her hair. "Oh, honey," he cried, "I never left. But you all did. It broke my heart watching you pack this house up and leave while I had to just sit here helplessly. I've been stuck here and," he sucked in a breath through the tears, "missing my family every second."
When I lay down my fears My hopes and my doubts The rings on my fingers And the keys to my house With no hard feelings
El began to cry harder. "I'm so sorry, dad! It was just-Mom couldn't stand to feel you everywhere after you died. She had to get away."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead and shushed her. "I would never blame your mother for that. I felt how hard it was for her. I couldn't imagine if I were in her shoes. She's handled it with grace." He took a deep breath as he sat the two of them on the couch. "I miss her so much. You have no idea."
"She misses you, too. She hasn't even given any other man the time of day."
"That's a shame," he laughed, "she deserves love."
