Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
chapter song harry styles: to be so lonely "i'm just an arrogant son of a bitch / who can't admit when he's sorry"
2019
El's entry
Readjusting to normal life was... hard. And by normal, I mean what my life was actually supposed to be like. I knew it was time to get things rolling with the band again and Jude and Del were foaming at the fucking mouth to put out an album.
I had some songs. Songs that didn't make the cut of Sam's Town, songs I wrote while I was in Colorado, songs that never felt right for us, but I had plenty of songs to make a record. It was a painful and trying time without Ezra and the process of trying to crank out an album was evoking emotions in me I didn't want to feel, but that's life, baby.
—
Del's entry
The process for what would become our third album was an uncomfortable experience for me in the beginning. Ever since El had come back, I found myself trying to wedge distance between us. The year of 1984 had been a huge fucking wake up call for me and I had been shown just how easily everything could slip through my fingers. It felt like everyone was dying and disappearing and I wasn't prepared to deal with any of that.
I was really annoying and hard to work with. I was so ready to get in the studio, but when the time came, I was pretty much like "well, fuck that." But of course, El used her magical, mythical powers of fixing everything. Fucking witch.
—
El's entry
Yes, I fixed everything. That's what I do. I was always the mom, long before I became a mom. I get why Del was scared. I understood it better than anyone.
Once that was settled, another issue reared its ugly head. Jude said we needed a manager. I disagreed. We needed songs for an album and then we could worry about a manager, but no one listens to me unless it benefits them, so... Jude declared we bring Vera back. I said fuck no, he said fuck you (not really, but he may as well have), and I said fine. Because I'm a little pushover bitch.
He called her and she showed up to practice the next day. We were there alone and I was incredibly uncomfortable. I don't remember exactly what was said, but it was something along the lines of her insulting my marriage on the basis of "Oh El, I just care about you", and bringing up my unfortunate trip to Colorado. I told her to fuck off because I had the least shred of patience left to defend my marriage to someone who had no business being involved in it.
But of fucking course, while I'm defending Nikki and our relationship, he's out making me look like a fool. What's new?
—
Nikki's entry
Ouch. Look, it was not my finest moment in our marriage... or moments. I didn't want to be on drugs, but I just couldn't stop. I had been consumed, swallowed whole, and fucked raw by heroin and no one could help me. Not even El.
