facade // jeff wittek

sixteen

In all honesty, as much as I love Cameron, I didn't expect his death to hit me so hard. I don't think I can ever come to terms with the fact that he is no longer here. I can't even imagine how his family feels right now. And for his best friends, who found him in their home, unresponsive. It hurts my fucking heart. so. much.

But before I let you off on the chapter, if you want to read this little note, I just want to express myself just a tad bit more. If not, scroll through to find the beginning of the chapter.

Although I don't personally know Cameron and I can't relate to the extent of heartbreak and pain his closest friends and family are feeling, this hits different.

Coming from a big family and being the youngest cousin, we've had our few shares of deaths but a majority of them happening before I was born and with family members that I didn't have a connection with.

With that being said, It opened my eyes to my own emotions and feelings about Cameron's death. I find myself scrolling through his Instagram, looking at all of his picture and trying to hold my tears back. Because it can't be real.

My brain cannot and refuses to comprehend the fact that Cameron has passed away. I look at pictures of him and I just can't fathom the idea that his beautiful soul is no longer walking the earth, spreading his positive energy.

The way he touched the lives of everyone around him, the influence he had. The way that everyone who ever encountered him had the same great things to say about his character and energy. It makes me happy to know that he lived his life doing what he loved with passion and determination all while keeping his goofy and playful personality.

Also I apologize in advance, I know this is a Jeff book but I'm kinda dealing with these feelings on my own. I'm hurting more than I like to admit because this feeling is new and talking about it to my closest friends, idk it makes me feel dramatic. But I hope someone who's reading this can relate to me in someway, coming from people who didn't know him personally.

I love him so much and although his death brings out emotions that are unbearable, his memories will live forever.

I'll tell my kids about the amazing Cameron Boyce and how he was taken away way too soon. I won't take life for granted. I'll always make sure to say I love you to my family and friends and boyfriend. I promise to live like everyday is my last day. I'll try to be kinder to everyone I meet.

Not only for Cameron, not only for myself, but for others around me, to try and make the world a better place. And hopefully I can influence at least one person just as he influenced millions.

***

There was no proper way to describe the emotions you experience during a heartbreak. It's an unfathomable amount of pain when it first occurs. It's an overwhelming amount of feelings that you don't know how to handle, multiple all at once. Anger. Regret. Sadness. Confusion. Fear. Vengeful.

All you're capable of doing is releasing those emotions through an abundance of tears that make your eyes sore and puffy after hours of doing it.

Eventually you stop. And Desiree did after the longest week of her life. In those seven days alone, she went through all the stages of grief, not in the normal order. Her two best friends, were with her every step of the way.