Barking up the Wrong Tree - An Object "Fanfiction"

Chapter 3 - It's Time For Crime!

According to Marshmallow, Apple had arrived at her house around four hours ago for, as Marshmallow put it, "definitely not a date or anything like that, that would be ridiculous haha..." After hanging out for a few hours doing "uh, stuff" Marshmallow went to the bathroom. She then heard the sound of a window smashing. Smashing windows was something that Apple did often, so she didn't give it much thought. She then heard the sound of a gun firing. Firing guns was not something that Apple did often, so she did give it much thought.

"And then I came out of the bathroom, and... she was dead!" Marshmallow finished. "I called the police immediately, but they didn't seem to care! So that's why I called you."

"I see," replied Tree, who had stopped listening around the part where Apple had arrived at Marshmallow's house around four hours ago. He walked over to the body, careful not to disturb it. "Looks like the cause of death was a gunshot. Were you able to see who did it?"

"Well, I saw a glimpse of someone pink or purple running down the street away from the house right afterward. I wasn't able to get a good look, though. I was still in shock." Marshmallow answered shakily.

"Did Apple have any enemies?" Tree pressed.

"Well, a lot of people found her, well, annoying, I guess, but I don't think anyone would want to kill her."

"Yeah, that's what they all say. Anyways, I've got a party to go to. I'll see what I can do," Tree concluded. He started toward the door. "Also, you might want to clean up that body. It's going to start stinking soon."

He left.

After getting back into his car, Tree checked the time on his phone. Somehow, Marshmallow's explanation did not conveniently last five hours, and it was only five fifteen. That meant that there either needed to be four hours and forty-five minutes of filler, or—

Four hours and forty-five minutes later, Tree arrived at Coiny's mansion. How Coiny was able to purchase and entire mansion despite only having a net worth of one cent was a mystery. A mystery that no one could be bothered to solve, since it meant that they could be invited to a party that took place inside a mansion. Coiny didn't usually bother with invitations; he just told a couple people who knew, causing a chain reaction that eventually resulted in everyone in town learning about it. He then let whoever showed up attend, as long as they weren't carrying any axes or bloody knives.

Tree arrived at precisely ten o'clock. Because of this, no one was there. Tree had never bought into the whole "fashionably late" thing, but apparently everyone else did. 

"Oh, hi Tree," Coiny said as he opened the door. "There are a few others already here. They helped set everything up." Coiny ushered Tree inside before closing the door and heading into the kitchen. "Hopefully Gelatin doesn't blow the place up this time." He muttered as he walked away, leaving Tree in the foyer. Tree left the foyer and entered the living room.

Coiny's living room was very different from Marshmallow's living room in that there was no dead body in the middle of it. There was, however, a red thumbtack, a pink marker, some candy attached to a stick, and a slice of cake. They were all laughing at a joke that had been told several moments earlier, around the time that Tree left the foyer and entered the living room.

"Oh, hey Tree!" Pin exclaimed from the couch. "I heard you were coming here with... Remote," she added, with some eyebrow-wiggling thrown in at that last word. Lollipop snorted.

"As friends," Tree corrected sharply. From his perspective, this was the truth. From everyone else's perspective, this was not.

"Suuuuuuuuurrrrre," Pin said coyly. Then, dropping the coyness, "Anyways, Coiny asked me to help organize."

"By organize, she meant get all the food," Pink Marker complained.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. The food's in the dining room, along with the alcohol." As soon as Pin mentioned alcohol, Tree perked up noticeably.

"Wow, Tree! You suddenly seem much more excited!" Cake observed. Tree didn't hear more than the first two words, since he was making a beeline for the aforementioned alcohol in the aforementioned dining room.

Dining room was not an accurate term. It was more of a dining hall, or even a banquet hall from those medieval/fantasy movies. The room – hall! – was longer than a school bus, and the ceilings were higher than a school bus rotated 90 degrees around the axis that runs through the two longer sides of said bus. There was also a lot of food. There were various bite-size snacks spread around the table, including some meat-and-cheese platters, several pizzas, and a chocolate fountain. There was also magenta sphere behind said chocolate fountain. Tree ignored all of this completely – even the chocolate fountain. Instead, he made a beeline to a large tub filled with ice cubes and drinks, took out a can of some form of alcoholic beverage, and cracked open a cold one with the boys.

In this case, "with the boys" means "without anyone else in the vicinity except for a magenta sphere behind a nearby chocolate fountain."