Barking up the Wrong Tree - An Object "Fanfiction"

Chapter 14 - An Incredibly Stupid and Anticlimactic Conclusion

"So you've figured it out, huh?" Algodoo Marble sneered. "I was the one who killed Apple!"

"I mean, that was one of our guesses," Tree admitted. "But why are you here and how did you know that we had just come to that answer?"

"Shush, I need to tell you my motive and tragic backstory before shooting you and escaping," Algodoo Marble shrieked impatiently.

"Do you really have to?" asked Tree.

"Yes, now shut up!" Algodoo Marble commanded. Then he began his story:

"When I was but a wee marble, my mom would cook for me and my 16,777,215 brothers and sisters. We all got along and got equal shares of food every day, every meal. But one day, my mother made fruit salad. Fruit salad is really tasty, and I was very excited to have some. My brothers and sisters, though, had other plans. They all betrayed me by eating more than their fair share. By the time the bowl got to me, it was empty. I never got to have any fruit salad. I swore I'd get revenge."

"Sadly, my brothers and sisters all went off to lead successful lives, and I never saw any of them again. From this point onward, I was a loner. I roamed the streets, living off of scraps I found in dumpsters and sleeping in said dumpsters and decorating said dumpsters with things I found from other dumpsters. My only friends were a centipede and a mouse. I ended up eating both of them."

"It all turned around one day when I was discovered eating pieces of gum from the sidewalk by Prince Pill. He took me in, letting me sleep in his house on the floor that had several nails sticking out of it. He treated me like I was his own son, and he really hates children. He taught me the ways of kung-fu, karate, and arson."

"But one day, he left the house to get some milk and never came back. I waited and waited, but for ten whole minutes, he didn't return. I was distraught. I couldn't believe that I was all alone, again. I packed up my things and hit the road. I traveled for days and days before reaching a small village in the mountains."

"There I met the love of my life. Her name was MS Paint Circle. It was love at first sight. We hung out for a while, talking about life. The next day, we went on our first date. It was at the highest peak of the mountain range, and we watched the stars all through the night. Unfortunately, she fell asleep while watching the stars all through the night and plummeted eight thousand feet to her death."

"Devastated, I fled the village. I ran and ran until suddenly, I got a sense of deja vu; I've just been in this place before, higher on the street. And I know it's my time to go. I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep, 'cause everything is never as it seems. Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play. Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid."

"I had arrived at my old house. It brought back so many memories. And I knew then what I had to do. I returned to Prince Pill's house, and he welcomed me back with twenty-nine stab wounds. Once I recovered, I began a plot to make the best fruit salad of all time... Using the bodies of people. I stole part of Orager first, because he could grow back easily. Then I shot Apple. I had two out of the four fruits I needed. Then you showed up."

"You started investigating the case, and I knew that was a bad thing. So I tried to set other people up to look more suspicious. I asked Olive to try and get Pink Marker to go hunting. That was basically the only thing I did, but it made Pink Marker look suspicious! I carried on with my plan, bashing Berry on the back of the head."

"But then you figured it out. I knew I had to deal with you, so now I'm here, with a gun, about to shoot you. Wait, where did you go?"

Algodoo Marble was so busy monologuing that he didn't notice Tree leave the room through the door he was standing in front of, leave the building entirely, go to a police station with a recording of Algodoo Marble's story and Marshmallow's eyewitness report, get a warrant for his arrest, and come back.

"You're under arrest," said Tree calmly from behind Algodoo Marble. Algodoo Marble jumped in fear, dropping his gun.

"Oh no! I've been caught!" he cried.

Tree arrested him without any form of weapon.