Barking up the Wrong Tree - An Object "Fanfiction"

Chapter 7 - It Seems To Me That Everything Has Gone Wrong

(Author's Note: This chapter is one entire week late so that I can ironically do the "sorry for the delay I was busy" thing. Now all I need is to do the "sorry for the short chapter I rushed" thing later.)

When Tree woke up, he had an incredible headache. The reason for this was a complete and utter mystery. Groaning in pain, Tree dragged himself out of bed and trudged over to a small cabinet. He opened it in search of something to remedy his headache, but only fount a single Ibuprofen tablet.

Ibuprofen...

Oh. Of course, thought Tree. How didn't I think of this before?

The this that Tree hadn't thought of before was obviously Prince Pill. He was a psychopathic and incredibly stupid arsonist who has never been successfully arrested for the sake of plot convenience. In addition, he matched the "someone pink or purple" that Marshmallow had mentioned in Chapter 3. He was also on the cover, which Tree somehow had missed.

Not wasting any more time, Tree went back to bed and slept until after noon. He woke up feeling slightly better than before, so he got up. He was hungry, so he decided that he'd drive to some coffee place for something before interviewing Prince Pill.

He walked downstairs and outside before remembering that his car was at Coiny's mansion. 

Grumbling, he headed back into the lobby. 

"You okay?" asked Remote from her desk.

"Absolutely not at all in any capacity this is terrible and bad," muttered Tree.

"That's no good," commented Remote. "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah, I need my car," Tree said flatly.

"Isn't Coiny's mansion only two-point-six blocks away?"

"Yeah."

"So you could walk?"

"Yeah."

"So...?"

"..."

"..."

Tree left.

The walk to Coiny's house was completely and utterly unimportant and nothing at all happened. Tree retrieved his car and drove over to the Troc District.

The trees and shrubbery that littered either side of the road gradually started to seem less and less alive the further that Tree drove. By the time he reached the neighborhood in which Prince Pill's house was located, there was not a single living plant in sight.

The Troc District was much more dangerous than the other ones; there were more explosions, crimes, and grease spills than all the other districts combined. The government basically gave up on policing the area.

Tree didn't appreciate this, as he had to swerve around broken glass, random craters, and several unconscious people to reach Prince Pill's house. Luckily, he was able to make it there without injuring even a single person.

Tree parked his car outside of Prince Pill's house. On the lawn. There was no driveway, and there was also what appeared to be a bottomless chasm on the road beside it. Tree got out of his car and, careful not to fall to his death, walked up to the door.

"Ah, the deciduous dimwit. What are you doing here?" Prince Pill remarked when he opened the door. He frowned at the badge that Tree was holding up. "Oh. Do come in."

Tree did come in and sat down in the chair that Prince Pill motioned to. He looked around at the house. To say that it looked like several hundred tornadoes had come inside and stayed for an evening while a magnitude eleven earthquake shook the entire building for hours on end and several tactical nukes were detonated in the center of the room would be an understatement.

"Pardon the mess," said Prince Pill wryly. "I wasn't expecting any guests."

"Yeah, whatever. Where were you at four thirty yesterday afternoon?" inquired Tree.

"Yesterday afternoon...? Hm..." pondered Prince Pill. "Oh! Thank goodness. I can assure you at that time committed absolutely no crimes whatsoever. I was off scavenging for berries in the woods with Algodoo Marble."

"...What do you mean, thank goodness?" asked Tree.

"That happens to be none of your business thank you very much."

"Whatever. So is there anyone else who can confirm that you were in fact not committing crimes at that time?"

"No."

"Well then," finished Tree.

Then there was the sound of a window smashing and the chapter was over.