The Unwanted Princess

part-21

"They have let me down so many times but I still love them"

"nothing hurts more than a mother's silence" Anya spoke with so much sadness that Ishana couldn't help but embrace her tightly in her arms, trying to soak away all her pain but it was hard you know when their was so much sadness hidden inside her.

"You know they have broke my heart so many times, let me down more times than I can count and I still love them" she mumbled against her shoulder in a voice so soft so painstakingly low and full of pain that it broke Ishana's heart in a way that she thought wasn't even possible and then Anya broke the embrace.

Their was a fire in her eyes, a fire of hurt and pain and Ishana could see a soul burning brightly in a fire of pain and misery, a soul searching salvation that hadn't been quite achieved yet and a determination to burn the whole world if she wills and that frightens Ishana thinking a different darker fate this little girl could build up for herself if Soumya hadn't found her that day. A soul burning in resentment, anger, pain and hatred. The girl standing in front of her wouldn't be the moonlight then she would be eternal darkness. 

"You know I've heard many tales of a mother's love. How can a mother fight the whole world for her child. How a mother's sacrifice everything for her child, how a mother lives for her child. Their are legends and stories of  mother's love. Mother's are always held on highest pedestals and I've seen the mother's love people talk with wonder filled eyes, heard about it. Take Saumya Ma's example raised both her son with love and didn't lose hope once, worked day and night for their betterment after her husband's unfortunate demise. She didn't care about her health, her dreams, her status. She didn't bow down to anyone. She didn't listen to dadisa's ridiculous demands. She didn't listen to her brother-in-law's when they told her to stop Viaan's training at the cricket academy. They were not rich anymore and their was no need to spent unnecessary money on stupid boy dreams but Saumya ma had fought for her son's dreams, both of their dreams, worked herself to death to build their future and no one had ever fought for me or my dreams you know Ma. Nobody ever stood up for me, nobody knew my dreams, my aspirations, nobody asked me what I wanted to be. she never kissed me goodnight or kissed my scratches away, No one showed me why parents are given god's place in a child's life. I've seen parents love shown to others, I've seen even children belonging to the poorest of sections in our society the ones I see my family looking down on soak in their parents love, a labour carrying his child on his shoulder...laughing and loving, love was so apparent in them that I felt the poorest in the whole world as I never felt the love, never felt the sweetness of a mother's love....ignorance, indifference and strictness yes but never love" their were pain, anger and hurt in her voice and a distant look in her eyes as she seemed lost in a place where Ishana can't reach no matter how hard she tried.

"You know after that incidence Ma...I mean Mrs Oberoi had locked herself in Ansh and mine joint room. I was given a new room, dad chose the room beside theirs in Shivika's nursery and I was not allowed in my old room ever again, She had forbidden us from touching Ansh's belonging and all my old toys the one with which both Ansh and I played with were lost to me. I didn't have any toys not even Snuffles and everyone knew I couldn't sleep without him and everyone tried even I tried to talk to mom and bring her out of the room but she got more sad and angry when I tried talking to her and one day baby Shivika fell in and mom stepped out of the room. They all left me alone in the mansion as they went to the hospital and it was only Dad when he got to know about it that he came for me and took me with to hospital to see mom and baby shivika. I promised Shivi I'll be the best elder sister in the whole world and won't ever let anything or anyone ever hurt her. You know Dadi took me home with her that day and made the servants shift me to the farthest and most isolated corner of the house where no other family members room was present. Dad protested but when mom said it was fine, I got a large room all to myself he didn't protest anymore and mom spent all her time looking after baby Shivika and I could understand that she was a baby and needed mom more than I do but didn't I deserve even a little bit of her time. Even Omisha and Omav who always played with me and Ansh before stopped playing with me they won't include me in their games anymore. They said I was bad, they said I was the reason Ansh wasn't with them anymore and they don't want to play with me. Nobody wanted to play with me, Dadi even thought I could be bad omen for the other kids so I should stay as far away from them as possible. The only days I got to eat with the whole family was the days dad was home and not on business trip and it hurted learning to not depend on anything, learning that only dad will remember bringing toys from me everytime he comes from the trips, learning dad won't say anything against mom's decision, learning only dad will come searching for me if something goes wrong and learning that no one else cared. Everything seemed hard and foreign and I cried almost everyday until no tears left my eyes. Mrs Oberoi took my grades and will just nod at my direction, any prize I ever show her won't get me any reaction just a nod as if I've not done my best to achieve it. It would be only dad who will rub my hair with a sad smile and teary eyes and say well done and those small praises meant the world to me back then you know when I would act asleep just for dad to enter the room in late nights and kiss me good night and whisper how proud he is of me. Those moments were my happy moments, with my eyes closed I imagined everything was just like before I was their princess, their angel and they loved me the most but every time I opened my eyes I could see the reality, I was just a shadow living with them. A shadow they ignored most of the time and the princess of the house was Shivika, Omisha was the angel, Omav hero and little Ritisha was the wild energy ball and I was nothing in front of them. They will always matter more than me and you know maybe I'm more disappointed in dad for never going against mom or dad. Mrs Oberoi made it clear she didn't care but he showed he cared yet he proved everytime that He was her lover before my father. He was her soulmate first and most and a father's love always failed in front of a soulmate." She spoke with so much bitterness that Ishana was shocked she couldn't imagine a heart could conceal so much bitterness and not turn black, she didn't knew what to think about Shivaaye so she didn't she concentrated on the girl in front of her, still burning in an internal fire of emotions and not the good ones. Something in those accusing eyes had broken something inside the already broken girl, letting the gasoline emotions leak and flame brightly around her and maybe for the first time too as Anya was always the one to conceal everything, the one to take your secrets to grave. So, something must have definitely broken in her for her to let it all out like this.

"you know that day it was his simple enraged "get out" that hurt more than anything, all those harsh words by Mrs Oberoi and dadi didn't hurt that much. what hurt most was he believed what Mrs Oberoi thought again, he supported again, even he didn't ask me once what I was feeling and what really happened. He let me down and I hate him for that why did he have to love her more?? why couldn't he love me just enough??" She whispered the last part so slowly so miserably that even the remaining few heartstrings of Ishana went and tied themselves around the visibly hurting girl.

"and then you had to bear Viaan" Ishana spoke softly trying to slowly divert Anya's mind away from the train wreck of memories it was buried in, searching for nameless bodies and the secrets buried with them.

"No, he was the easy part of the whole thing, unbothering, distant and letting me be anything I want to not asking questions that I couldn't answer and being just himself around me, not walking on eggshells around me, teasing me and not treating me like I will break the next second. he was a constant normal present around me, teasing, pestering, irritating, understanding and always just there." Anya spoke in what Ishana concluded the first fond tone after all the miserable feelings and Ishana smiled internally at her success in diverting her mind.

"so the bad girl get the good boy, huh"Ishana stated sagely as Anya snorted again.

"Vi is the world famous bad boy of cricket" their was again that fond tone in her voice that Ishana liked very much.

"you won't deny being a bad girl then" Ishana teased her lightly 

" I've not been a good girl since my arrival at Delhi and Vi is a softie"

"a softie huh, feeling better"

"yeah and sleepy too"

"no, have something first"

"but ma"

"no buts, I'll bring something for you" Ishana told Anya determinedly and left for the kitchen before she could protest any more. Anya just shook her head watching Ishana walk out of her room when her phone rang making her slip her professional mask again

"you got the address, good I'll be there"

...To be continued...