Goodbye Carter

f i f t e e n

December 25th, 2014

AND SO, I was officially a cheater.

It was hard to face on my own, but it was even more difficult to come to terms with, when both my brother and Carter stood, unmoving, and waiting patiently for me to speak.

But honestly, all I could think about was Aiden. Because I just did what I worried he would do to me, something he promised would never happen. Yet, here I am... completely betraying the trust of the boy I had just told I had loved, merely a month ago.

So yeah, it was hard to not feel like a terrible person.

Luke finally breaks the silence, "but what about Aiden?" His voice was small and careful and the expression on his face was one of betrayal, he obviously didn't know what to think.

Frankly, I didn't know either. I acted on pure instinct, if I had thought things through... maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.

But did I regret it?

"Luke," I said, my tone warning, "I'm sorry you saw that, really- I am. That was a mistake." Out of the corner of my eye I see Carter slump but I choose to ignore it. "I'm sorry. Okay?" I'm breathless by the end, barely able to even hear myself speak over the ringing in my ears and the loud thumping of my heartbeat.

How could I ever face Aiden again?

I force myself to look back up and meet Luke's eyes, he wasn't staring at me anymore. Instead, his eyes bore into Carter's giving him the scariest look I had ever personally witnessed Luke wear.

Carter, who finally must have come to the realization of his actions and the awkward situation we were all three currently stuck in, shoved his hand out to introduce himself to Luke. "Hey man," he said awkwardly, "I'm Carter, sorry we had to meet under um... these-" he stifled out a cough, "circumstances."

Luke's jaw locks as the cupcake in his palm continues to be aggressively squished, it's frosting remnants falling onto the hardwood floor in a mess.

"Luke," I say tentatively, "can you please, please, leave us alone for a minute."

"Are you crazy!" Luke yells, causing Carter to widen his eyes nervously and look behind him. We didn't need any other spectators for this conversation.

"Luke," I hiss, "keep your voice down!"

He ignores me and shakes his head, sporting a disapproving look, "my own sister. A cheater."

I feel my heart sink at his words, even though I knew he was right.

"Luke, leave," I say in a tone that conveyed all my conviction and anger. I see Luke's eyes dart nervously, he knew I was serious.

"Fine," he says finally, "leaving."

I shake my head and close my eyes, before letting out a hard breath as Luke finally turns to walk away.

"Fuck." I hear Carter curse from a few feet behind me.

"Fuck!" He curses once again as I turn to meet his eyes.

He runs a hand through his hair messily before meeting my eyes. I could tell he was upset from the painstaking regret that layered his eyes. Causing my heart to break in a million pieces as I realized that his expression transformed into one of disappointment. I swallow back my tears and ignore the burning in my chest and finally speak.

"I'm sorry," I say, lifting my shoulders to fix my posture into one of complete composure, "that was my fault."

Carter furrows his eyebrows in confusion, "your fault?" he almost hisses, "your fault? Wow Kennedy, for a smart girl sometimes you can be so incredibly dense," he says with a dark laugh.