Goodbye Carter

s i x

February 12th, 2014

HOW IS A GIRL SUPPOSED TO ACT with her best friend of whom she just kissed, and who doesn't remember a single thing about it?

Act like nothing ever happened, of course.

Although, I couldn't lie to myself- I was disappointed. I had always liked Aiden, and I'd be kidding myself by trying to convince myself that our kiss didn't matter.

That my first kiss didn't matter.

"Kennedy?" A familiar voice asks.

I turn to my left to see Carter staring curiously at me.

"Uh huh?" I say absentmindedly.

He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, "I asked you what you got for number ten," he says with a look of confusion.

"Number ten?" I ask while looking down at my blank sheet, I frown, "oh sorry I haven't gotten there yet."

"Kennedy Summers isn't on top of things today, that's unusual," Carter says with a slight chuckle and a funny look.

It was like he could read right through me.

I look away, "no one's perfect," I say with a sigh, as I nervously tap my pencil eraser against the desk.

Carter doesn't look away from me. Instead he seems transfixed, as if he's trying to figure me out. He obviously wasn't expecting my simple reply and was rather hoping for our typical witty banter. Finally he speaks, "what's with you?"

I couldn't look at him, one glance at those gorgeous eyes and I was done for. I felt the sting of tears envelope my irises, as I realize that I had absolutely no one to talk to about my current situation.

I finally opt for the easiest reply, "Nothing," I say with a tight lipped smile, "I've just been exhausted this whole morning, I had an English project I had to finish last night," I explain.

Carter once again shakes his head at my lame excuse, reading right through it.

How is it that a boy that I had only known for such a short period of time could see right through my bullshit?

"You're a liar," he says with a downturned smirk and a shake of his head.

I scoff, "if finishing an English project is what you classify as a lie, than sure." I turn to look away from Carter, instead focusing on the warm up that was written on the board.

What characteristics make up the kingdoms of a protist?

I groan inwardly. Fuck biology. Not only is it confusing and useless, but also unable to provide an good distraction.

"I know a liar when I see one," Carter replies while staring me down. His voice is deeper than usual, making me wonder if he wasn't joking.

"Right." I say with a twinge of sarcasm, as I pull out my binder from my backpack and proceed to flip through the tabs to find my bio homework.

Carter gives me an annoyed look, obviously upset that this conversation was going nowhere. He glances away quickly before replying, "I know you're lying Kennedy, we're in the same English class, you know."

I sigh, very well knowing that he had caught me and I had no explanation for my behavior.

"And we definitely don't have a project due," he adds, sighing as he says it.

I sigh, "whatever, Carter- there's just some stuff going on that I don't feel like explaining right now," I decide to say, hoping he would finally drop it.

He doesn't.

"You can tell me things Kennedy, you know that right?" It was hard to look at him. Looking at those blue eyes and seeing him in all seriousness, simply caring about my well being.  He was too damn sweet for his own good. I couldn't help but think if it was any other situation, I would I have confided in him. Carter seemed like the kind of guy that would give you good advice. However, there's no easy way to explain what had happened at the McAllister party, especially because it involved Aiden.

I contemplate my best options to get out of this increasingly difficult conversation. My two choices being:

1. Bullshitting him with complete nonsense throughout the majority of the school day.

2. Respond with something that I know will make him drop it.

I let his words lie in the air for a few seconds before I decide, knowing this was the easiest for both of us right now, "sometimes personal problems are meant to be kept to yourself. Just take the hint and leave it be, Carter." There's  an extra snark in my voice that I hadn't realized I had added. But I knew that it was for the better.

Although, he definitely made me regret my decision seconds later when I decided to finally look into his eyes. The bright blue orbs that I had spent more than a few sleepless nights dreaming about, had become a mixture between a swirling grey and a deep aqua. On his face was an expression I didn't recognize.

He bit his lip, obviously thinking of the best way to respond.

I expect his next words to be in his usual sweet manor, however, I see an unknown expression of anger come across his face.

I didn't like that look on him.

"I honestly don't understand you Kennedy," he meets my eyes, confidence oozing out of his words, "one minute you're all over me and the next you can't tell me a single thing about your life. You say that you're not one of those girls that play with guys, but you're a hypocrite. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around you." Carter finishes, his voice is strained and upset while obviously not trying to cause too big of a scene in class.

I swallow the absolute anger rising in my chest.

All over him? Please.

"First of all," I begin with a snarl, "I was not flirting with you, we're friends. And I'm sorry if I didn't want to share personal secrets with a guy I've known for all of three fucking months. So don't act like you're my boyfriend or something or have a some kind of right to tell me what I can and cannot share," at the mention of 'boyfriend' a few students turn to look at Carter and I, obviously wondering what were arguing about.

"If you hadn't jumped to conclusions on Saturday night, maybe you would have realized that you were the one liked," his eyes turn from anger to sadness from his statement, leaving me in complete shock.

"Don't assume that I would fall into your arms after a drunken night," I say with an attitude that wasn't necessary.

"I wasn't assuming that at all," he says with a frown, anger lacing his features, "I was... going to ask you out," he looks away so he doesn't meet my eyes as he nervously darts his eyes to the front of the room.

Needless to say, I was confused. I had been so caught up with the Aiden drama, I forgot to look at the obvious.

It explained the stolen glances at the movies, the dance we shared at the party, and his nervousness throughout the night. It explained the look on his face when I walked away and left him with the blonde, and the reason he didn't text me goodnight that night like he had done ever since that day we met.

Suddenly I knew I was in the wrong.

Carter brushes his fingers through his hair, combing back the loose strands which lay on his forehead. I quickly diverted my eyes once he decided to turn back to me, "once you learn how to open up to people, let me know."

And with that he grabs his backpack and walks out the door.

Leaving me to wonder why I couldn't seem to do anything right.