Goodbye Carter

s i x t e e n

December 31st, 2014

I HADN'T SPOKEN TO AIDEN in a week. Which is why it was such a surprise to find him standing outside my front door, gift in hand.

If I had known when I woke up, that Aiden would be paying me a surprise visit at 10 a.m. this morning, maybe I would have ran a brush through my hair at the very least.

Or practiced my admission to kissing Carter...

"Hey, babe," Aiden says with a breathless sigh as I open up the door and invite him in and out of the cold.

"Hey," I say with a small voice, unsure how this entire conversation was going to go, "how was Hawaii?"

He practically moans, "the fucking best, Kends. You wouldn't believe how beautiful it is there, I mean even during the winter the beaches are breathtaking," Aiden says with a glazed look in his eyes, seemingly revisiting every precious moment he had there, "I considered just staying there and never coming home," he says with a chuckle, "but then I thought of you, and I couldn't get my ass on that plane fast enough."

I give him a smile, trying my absolute hardest for it to come across genuine... not like I was going to break his heart.

"That sounds amazing, Aiden. I wish I could've gone," I say jokingly.

He places a hand behind my back and pulls me into a tight embrace, "me too, baby."

Baby?!

I was melting. Completely.

Fuck.

"Anyways," Aiden says as he pulls away, "how was your week?" He asks curiously.

I intake a breath nervously, "uneventful..." I say finally, unable to meet his eyes.

"Well that'll change," Aiden says with a boyish smirk and a wink.

I roll my eyes, "horny much?"

"Always for you."

I sigh and once again roll my eyes before slapping him on the chest lightly. Jeez, did Hawaii give him blue balls or something?

Probably with all those girls in bikinis...

I shake the thought out of my head when I feel slight twinge of jealousy, before reminding myself that I had literally cheated on him when he was gone. I had no right judging him.

"Such a flirt," I say with a smile.

"Some things never change," He retorts back before giving me a quick peck on the cheek, "where's Luke? I have something for both of you."

That was one thing I would always love about Aiden, the way he took care of my family... especially my brother. They had both grown a special bond with each other through the years, Luke would join Aiden in fortnite battles and ask for his advice on various topics, including girls. Aiden was always there for my brother, he promised me before school started that he wouldn't let anyone pick on my little freshman brother. I appreciated that more than anything.

No wonder Luke was so disappointed in me...

Luke would never admit it, but he was ecstatic when I finally told him that Aiden and I were dating. Half because it meant he could hang out with him more, but also because he approved of him. Even though he was my little brother, he was protective of me. Like I said, he was the sweetest fourteen year old boy on the planet.

"He's upstairs," I say, gesturing to the steps behind us, "probably still sleeping."

"Oh," he says, the disappointment on his face evident. Luke wasn't the only one who considered Aiden a good friend. "Well we don't have to wake him up, you can just give it to him later," he says, grinning that million watt smile once again.

I didn't deserve him.

"Okay," I say, "sure."

***

Aiden had given me a basket full of small gifts for Christmas. It was full of tiny goodies that he knew I would enjoy, like bath bombs, face masks, and candy. It was the sweetest gift Aiden had ever given me, and I appreciated all the effort that he very obviously put into it.

Which made me feel even more dumb.

I simply gave him two tickets to his favorite professional team's football game.

He seemed like he enjoyed the gift, but I could tell that he put more effort into mine, as all I had to do was go online and buy the tickets.

After a few awkward moments of studying both our gifts and each other, Aiden stuttered out a lame excuse for having to leave to help his mom with something before giving me a quick peck on the lips and leaving.

"I'll pick you up at 8 for the party!" Aiden yelled as he practically ran out the door.

I sighed, immediately being reminded of the party I had already agreed to go to with all of my friends for New Year's Eve.

"Was that Aiden?" I hear from behind me.

I turn around from my spot on the couch to look at my brother's hopeful expression, "yep," I say as I stand up to start to make myself breakfast, "you just missed him."

"Shit," Luke says as he shifts his body to look out the door, "I haven't seen him in way too long."

I feel guilt burn in the bottom of my chest from the realization that if I broke up with Aiden, I would also be breaking up his and Luke's relationship.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I have something for you from him," I say, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Really?" Luke says, a smile immediately making its way onto his lips. I swear sometimes he was just like a little kid.

I nod and grab the gift from beside me to give to Luke, "open it."

Luke immediately starts to tear the wrapping, very obviously excited for what was inside. He finally pulls out a mini soccer ball that was signed in the front.

"No fucking way," Luke says with a grin, "no way," he mumbles.

I smile, knowing that Aiden was officially the best gift giver ever.

Luke stares at the ball absentmindedly for a few seconds before looking up to meet my eyes, "please don't break up with him."

I feel my heart physically break from his words, guilt thrashing through me like a knife to the chest. "You can ask me to do that Luke, you know that."

"Just don't tell him about that guy, okay?" Luke blurts out, "just don't tell him."

"Luke," I say, "you know that isn't right. I have to tell him."

He shakes his head before looking away and frowning, "I just don't understand you," he mumbles.

I sigh, "and why is that?"

"Aiden was good to you, Kennedy. He was really good to you, and this is how you repay him."

Like I said, my brother was loyal. Maybe not always to me, but loyal nonetheless.

"I didn't mean to, Luke. Truly, I never wanted to hurt Aiden," I say, desperately trying to explain the fact that I was in love with two boys at the same time.

"Then why would you kiss... that guy?" Luke says, disgust evident in his voice.

"Ever heard of a love triangle?" I say, giving Luke a look.

Luke rolls his eyes, "of course."

I sigh, "I love Aiden, I do. But I found someone that I have feelings for... real feelings. And I shouldn't have acted on those feelings- but I did. I'll regret that forever, but there's nothing I can do about that anymore."

"Well," Luke hisses, "because of your mistake, we both won't ever have Aiden. Did you ever think that maybe you weren't the only one who loved him, Kennedy? He's like the older brother I never had."

I bite my lip to hold back my tears, "Luke," I plead, "please-"

"Whatever Kennedy. Have fun playing with your boy toys tonight."

And with that, Luke turns away and trudges back up the stairs, but not before grabbing the soccer ball that he had just unwrapped.

Why am I always royally fucked?