Retribution ★ Avengers

Nothing Left to Lose

★ ★ ★

6 MONTHS AFTER DECIMATION

DECEMBER 2021

★ ★ ★

Tiny, intricate snowflakes blowing gently past the window caught Marlena's attention from where she'd been curled up with a book in bed. She closed her book and placed it on the nightstand at her side, careful not to be too rough with it. It was a classic she'd plucked from her mother's collection many years ago back in Washington DC. Back when she'd originally taken it from her house, she wasn't aware the vintage copy of "The Great Gatsby" would go on to quite possibly be one of the last of her mother's belongings that she'd managed to hold onto after so much time. It was one of the few physical things she hadn't been able to let go of. It'd taken her all this time to finally read it; now seemed better than ever. She couldn't help but wonder if getting lost in another world that was not her own would somehow numb the never-ending pain that tormented her.

She left the comfort of her bed and met her reflection at the window, her breath fogging the glass as she leaned in closer to watch the gentle fall of the white flakes. Marlena felt a dull ache in her chest, deep within, as she thought back on a memory she'd been fighting to forget for the last few months. No matter how hard she tried to lead her mind somewhere else, the snowflakes were relentless on the other side of the window. They taunted her, making her remember exactly how it felt to watch the ones she loved fade into nothing.

With each flake that landed on the glass, only to melt within seconds, she was reminded of the thunderous snap that left her friends and family withering to ash beneath her hands and feet. She'd never felt more defeated than she had on that terrible day. Watching in silence as the snow seemed to mock her only left her wiping a single, stray tear away. She folded her arms over her chest and shivered, feeling cold and alone, just like she had since her life had been ripped from her hands.

Marlena lowered her head, unable to face it anymore. The snow was once something she loved dearly; the snow was something she longed to spend hours upon hours out in, making snow angels with her children and throwing snowballs at Bucky. Those dreams had all disappeared, however. A sharp pain pierced through her body as she felt the loss on every level, just as she had the day it happened.

She was startled when she felt the warmth of a soft blanket wrap around her from behind. She turned around, making no effort to hide the few tears that managed to escape her dim, hazel eyes. She was met with the face of a sleepless and equally distraught Steve. The worry lines etched into his forehead were for her, however, and she knew this all too well.

Steve had been a constant in Marlena's life since they'd returned home from the Garden. She needed someone, though she didn't dare admit it, and he didn't hesitate to be there for her as he promised he would be. He was suffering too, but he couldn't imagine how Marlena was handling the loss of her children; they were too young and too innocent. Not a day passed that he didn't think of their sweet smiles and bright, hopeful eyes. He missed them dearly, and he missed Bucky as well. He missed them all.

Steve dropped the blanket around Marlena's shoulders, hoping even the gesture of comfort would somehow heal her open wounds in the slightest. He felt as if he failed when it came to conjuring up the right words, but the ghost of a smile on her face as she peered up at him made him feel a bit better. He would never be able to piece back together the broken pieces of her, but he was more than willing to pick them up along the way. Things were quiet, always too quiet. He just wanted her to talk to him, but she didn't do much of that anymore.

Marlena had been nothing short of grateful that Steve opened his home to her when she had no place left to go. There was nowhere left for her to call home. She felt as if she was forever drifting, farther and farther away from the Marlena that once used to reside within her, the naive nineteen-year-old girl that religiously visited the Smithsonian to feel close to her father and indulge in the importance of her family. Time had been cruel to Marlena; it'd shown her no mercy, and for that, she was forever wounded.