Rant ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 1: Smells Like Rain

January thirty-first.

The final day of this bitterly cold month filled with snow and ice. The final day of a month full of dirty slush on the side of glossed roads. The final day of a month that is so bare and depressing to look at, even with the waves crashing against the shore across the street. The final day before February first.

February. That is a month filled with new scenery. Yes, the snow may still drift from the sky and my breath may remain visible, but there is a difference. There's a difference in the fact that slowly but surely, each day will dwindle away like the withering petals of a flower until each layer is pulled back to reveal spring.

Days will slowly grow longer and warmer. Flowers and trees will blossom with newfound life. Birds will chirp with a cheerful tune as more people walk the streets. Rain will fall from the clouds as thunder rolls across the sky. These are all only small snippets of what the coming season holds in its promise. Just little samples of what we'll taste. But it's funny.

It's funny because it's raining right now.

It's been raining all day. From the time I awoke to now as the night hours approach. Not that I've seen much of the sun today. Along with the rain came a thick sheet of gray clouds that've masked over the sun. That giant ball of flaming gases has been disguised by the weather. And it's rained and rained and rained all day long with not a single pause.

Even now, as I sit and stare out my window, the droplets gliding down the glass in a calming manner, I can't help but feel a certain kind of way. I honestly am not quite sure how to explain what it is I'm feeling, but I'm definitely feeling something -like a hollowness. It's like there's this hole in the center of my chest that aches and throbs and I'm not sure why.

It's weird. This sensation was something I've always felt before...a tear slides down my cheek, leaving behind a salty trail. My eyes are burning, though I try to blink away the sting. However, it doesn't work. With every blink, the burning remains as the tears multiply. One after the other just rolls down from my eyes as my nose begins to run. Before long...I burst into sobs.

I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my shins, pressing my forehead to my kneecaps. My body trembles and quivers as I continue to cry, my chest heaving with each gasp. I feel like my breath is becoming lodged in my throat, nearly suffocating me. In short, it feels horrible, but I remember what that sensation from earlier was.

Broken.

It's my heart shattering into a million little jagged pieces, cutting my arteries. It's my soul draining from my body, leaving me lifeless. It's my lungs shriveling up into uselessness, choking my airways. It's every memory reminding me of what I've done.

A slut. A whore. A bitch. A monster. A walking tragedy. Those are the things that describe me, and I deserve those titles. After what I did, I deserve to be called far worse. I deserve to be discarded into a flaming pool of fire and scorched to death. That is what I deserve. At least, that's what my conflicted heart tells me.

So much for wanting to live a life worth looking back at. So much for wanting to change my mindset. So much for any of it. Those were all nice thoughts while they lasted, but in the end, I deserve none of that. Not then, not now, and not ever.

I don't deserve this. To see the rain falling from the heavens in its mysterious dance. Because I know what this means. I know what the rain reminds me of, and I should not be blessed by its presence. A monster like myself shouldn't receive such nice things.

And in the end, I don't deserve to be missed by anyone.

**Ello lovelies! Only chapter one and it already seems like there's some pain that Y/N will be facing. I told ya there'd be more to all this lol. I hope y'all are ready for what awaits in the future of this book! Until then, stay tuned. Always feel free to drop a vote/comment/follow! Thank you so much for all your support! Y'all are the bee's knees! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross