Going Further {on hold}

Chapter Eleven: Fading Fast

TRIGGER WARNING.
(Insinuated rape. Skip the part marked between the • if you're uncomfortable reading it.)

No one knew where Wooyoung was.

And he was going to keep it that way.

He was currently staying in a seedy motel in Seoul until he could figure out what his next move would be. He couldn't bear to go back to the group and live with their disgust, or worse, their pity. After what happened that afternoon in the studio his mind was a jumbled mess of emotions. Before he knew what he was doing he found himself back in the dorm stuffing some clothes in a bag and climbing out of the open window before they could stop him.

He was humiliated.

But more than that he was furious. With himself for letting Hongjoong in like he had and at Seonghwa for forcing his way into his heart. Everything was so simple when it was just sex so why did he let it go that far? He never asked for these confusing feelings and he vowed to do everything in his power to make them disappear.

It was so easy to fall back into his old habits. He'd stay out late every night to party. He wore a disguise so he wouldn't be recognized and hit up multiple clubs. It was within the music and lights that he'd always felt like he was the most alive. His good looks ensured that he always had a partner, sometimes more than one, to grind up against on the dance floor.

There were moments where he nearly convinced himself that everything that had happened with Hongjoong and Seonghwa wasn't real. He found shallow sort of companionship with those strangers in these clubs because some of them were running from their own demons just like him. It was a cycle of used or be used and Wooyoung didn't mind being a part of it one bit. He'd drink and dance until he was exhausted then stumble shitfaced into a cab to go back to the motel to sleep it off and most of the time he didn't go alone.

God he couldn't even remember just how many boys.

It got so out of control that he didn't even bother asking for their names anymore. He didn't want to make any sort of connection with them because it was only the distraction they created that he craved. He'd see someone from across the bar that he found attractive and then it wouldn't take long before his lips were on theirs and his hands were roaming over their bodies asking them to go back to his place.

It all happened on one night, much like any other, when Wooyoung found himself pressed up against a wall in the bathroom as yet another nameless boy tugged his pants down. Wooyoung was far too many drinks in when the boy slipped a pill into his gasping mouth. For a fleeting moment he'd really thought about spitting it out. He had a shred of good sense left in him to be cautious about drugs when he didn't know what they were.

But then he looked at the boy who gave it to him and noticed just how much his eyes looked like Hongjoong's. The warm color and the shape of them were so similar that before he knew it he had swallowed the pill dry. When he felt himself inside the stranger's mouth he closed his eyes and tried to forget. Fuck all he ever did nowadays was try to forget. He stifled a sob as he was quickly worked to a hasty climax. The pleasure was swift and once it was gone it only left him feeling even more empty than before.

•

He came down from the afterglow quickly before he was spun around and pushed into the wall. "Wait..." Wooyoung panted as the bathroom tilted. He felt sick to his stomach and was no longer feeling into it. "I don't feel good let's just stop for a second—"

Then the stranger hit him.

Wooyoung was stunned into silence as he felt heat rise to the welt on his cheek from the blow. The stranger clamped a hand over his mouth and breathed into the younger boy's ear as his other hand travelled down Wooyoung's body. "I didn't waste my last molly on you just so you could give me fucking blue balls..."