I'm not fucking your brother: T.H x Reader

Chapter 22: I'm sorry but I love you

Your POV

I was frozen, paralyzed one could say I was "in the moment" goes to show it's a terrible moment.

"I love you," is what escaped his lips, those spectacular lips.

My body went numb, all I wanted to do was grab his shirt and kiss his stupid face until my lips go out, but I refrain. But God do I want to kiss him so bad. I want his sweet, sweet lips on mine to taste to the bitter sweet stain of passion he once so gladly gave me. I had nothing to say to him, probably because I had nothing to think, whether I wanted him was no question at all, it was a yes. A clear definite, unmistakeable yes. All I want is him, I want to watch him ruffle his stupid hair, see the sun glisten upon his stupid tanned skin and watch the sparkle arise deep in the abyss of his stupid beautiful eyes.

But still I was numb, frozen, paralyzed.

The tough thing was that I knew throughout my entire relationship with Harry there was never a spark. There was never the undying, daring love. The thought that would make me want him, just never was.

So all I said was all I could say, and luckily truth came out from all I could say.

"I love you too," my voice creaks and stutters as I struggle to let the words escape my mouth.

I can feel the gravitational pull towards his body, as if my subconscious knows the the feelings I have towards him, like it knows all I want in this cruel world is him by my side, his arms around my waist, my fingers through his hair, and his rounded lips pursed against mine as he preforms what could only be an act of passion and grace. But I stop myself.

My mind tells me don't do it, don't embrace, you have boyfriend. But fuck, the burning fire in my soul is a cry for help, a cry for him. So there I went, in the moment of sheer stupidity and lack of awareness I leaned in. And thank God he did too, he reached out his hand and I took it, planting a kiss on the back of it as to say I'm yours. I then led it to caress the side of my cheek, he then brought his face closer and closer until I could smell the thick fumes of cologne he had on, the same cologne he wore everyday. His distinct scent the one that entices me towards him, the one that makes me crazy about him, the one that makes me forget about everything. But then finally he kissed me and God have I been yearning for that kiss for so long.

I know he had been wanting to do it for so long as well as the sweet sound of muffled moans left his lips, he then moved his lips down to my neck making me arch it back to let him mark me with his dulcet lips. My eyes were shut close trying to enjoy every moment that passes trying to enjoy letting him take over me, enjoying giving up control and giving my self to him as he planted a trail of kisses right back to my lips.

We pulled away for a second though we both knew all we wanted was to taste each other once more. But in my head I knew we had to stop.

"stop, we have to stop," I exclaim pushing his body off of mine.

Tom grew a face of confusion, then of anger, he spit out his words in a rage. Or maybe even in fear, fear of losing one you love, though at the time it mostly sounded like rage.

"What do you mean stop, you just said you love me," he exclaims as his words shoot out like bullets fired from a gun.

"I do, but I can't kiss you knowing that I'm with Harry," I say.

All I want is him, it's true but damn guilt is a burden.

"I fucking knew it," Tom groans.

"Knew what!?," I ask.

"You love Harry still," his voice echos and booms, as I look into his eyes I was surprised to not have seen the fiery anger I was expecting but instead it was almost like I was looking at a cry for help.

Almost as if they're begging to be saved, saved from himself, from the feeling of drowning in your own emotions. The feeling of not being able to let go, to break free from the cage he's imprisoned himself in, though I know all he wants is affection. All he wants is reassurance, to know that he's mine and I'm his.

I go to reach for his hand, intertwining my fingers with his, he looks down to watch the only form of contact we have at the moment.

"It's you Tom, only you," In the silent room I spoke in barely a whisper.

He lifted his head and looked at me, I could see the sight of tears welling up in his eyes. A sight that make my stomach drop from days to come. I loved this boy and now I have to watch him cry, though I know its not of sadness. It couldn't be, I reassured him, I confirmed my feeling for him, why would he be sad?

I couldn't bare to watch this anymore, my heart ached in pain watching him like this so cradled his head and let him rest it in the crook of my neck.I could feel his cold tears run down my shoulder as he dug his head in my neck, he squeezed tight as did I.

Something tells me this wasn't the first time Tom's been like this since the break up. Let alone since Harry and I dating and with that knowledge I couldn't back away out of fear anymore, I couldn't procrastinate my ability to end things with Harry.

I knew what I had to do. Though I also knew my decision would most definitely hurt Harry and I know for a fact I'm gonna feel real shitty about it afterwards, but then again fuck it.