Johnlock Stories

I'm Tired

Pretttyyy sure I cried while writing this, so I wish you guys the best of luck. Be forewarned that this could be a trigger for some people, talk about self harm and depression is in this, which is why it had me cryin'. So, if that is a trigger for you then please don't read this, I like to take care of you darlings. If not a problem, then enjoy this terribly sad one shot and grab that tissue box :)  #ANGST #Sicknessandpain :)

When John woke up he found the bed to be empty, a small indent in the blanket to where Sherlocks body had been was still visibly there, meaning Sherlock hadn't been gone for long.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and turned over to check the clock on his nightstand, 3:27, he pushed the blankets aside and stood up, running a hand over his face and walking towards the door. He made his way to the kitchen and saw Sherlock leaning over the counter, his arms holding him up and his head hanging below his shoulders.

John took a seat at the table and stared at Sherlock's back, when this happened Sherlock usually didn't want to be touched, he figured that out from trying to give him a hug another time and ended up with a defensive elbow to the face.

"What happened?" John assumed it was another one of his dreams, or maybe he just couldn't sleep.

Sherlock shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it," his voice was hoarse and laced with obvious pain.

John nodded his head, though Sherlock couldn't see. Another minute passed before Sherlocks spoke up again.

"I'm just," Sherlock sighed and continued, "I'm just so tired, John,"

"Then why don't you come back to bed?" John tried, Sherlock turned around and faced him, pulling out the chair and taking a seat across from John.

"No, I mean I'm tired of everything, tired of living," Sherlock's eyes were red and focused on the table, Johns heart ached at those words, wished he would never have to hear them again. He knew of Sherlocks recent depression, how it settled down for a while but was now starting back up.

"Sherlock..." John started.

"No," he pauses, "God, I'm sick of always trying," Sherlock says before slamming his fist down on the table, making John jump. He then buries his face in his hands, running them up his features and through his hair before resting there.

"I don't know how long I can do this anymore," Sherlock added, John then noticed something on Sherlocks arm and he reached out for it. Sherlock complied willingly and gave his arm to John.

"This is new?" John questioned with pain more than stated, and examined the light cut on his wrist, accented by older scars.

Sherlock pulled the hand John held into a loose fist and put his other hand over his eyes before giving a brief nod of the head.

"Damn it," John whispered and a single tear slid down Sherlock face and landed on the table.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry about everything," Sherlock says, another tear crashing on the wood, "God, I hate myself," he speaks through gritted teeth.

"Hey," John runs his thumb over Sherlocks hand, "Hey, look at me," he waits for Sherlock's glossy eyes to find his before continuing again, "Don't say that, don't apologize," Johns leg bounces subconsciously under the table, his foot causes a steady drumming in the dimly lit room, "It's okay, we're going to get through this together, I promise,"

Sherlock sniffed and wiped his eyes with his palm.

"But I thought we talked about this, I told you to come to me any time you get that urge," John pulled Sherlocks hand up to his face and rested it against his cheek.

"You were out," Sherlock whispers dryly, "I didn't know what to do," he pulls his hand away and uses it to wipe away the newest tears. John thinks for a moment, considering what to say to the crumbling man before him.

"I love you, you know that?" John says, his own eyes watering, but refusing to let them spill because he has to be strong for Sherlocks sake.

Sherlock scrunches his eyebrows and puts his head in his hands again.

"I love you because you're so, so strong," John starts, more tears spill, "I love you because you're crazy brilliant. I love you because you're generous, you're beautiful, and you have a great singing voice, which I wouldn't have expected," John thinks back on the restless nights where being able to sleep is the only dream in his head, how Sherlock sings to him, quiet lullabies to help him find rest, and it always works.

Sherlock just listens, not making any comments, just listens while the tears stream down his face. "I love you because you're caring, when I need you you go out of your way to help me. I love you because you have a killer sense of sarcasm, and I actually mean killer," Sherlock huffs a laugh at this and John smiles, "You don't care what people say about you and I think that is incredible. And you're beautiful, wait, did I already say that?" Sherlock laughs again through his hands, "The point is that you are the most amazing human being that I have ever met, and I am utterly in love with you," Sherlock wipes his eyes once again.

Sherlock stands up and rounds the table, easing out John's chair and planting himself in his lap, arms around Johns neck and face buried into his shoulder. Johns arms wrap around Sherlocks body and run up and down his back as he cries into Johns neck.

They stay like this for a short while, until Sherlocks legs start to cramp and his hunched back starts to cause him too much pain.

"Thank you," Sherlocks whispered voice muffled by Johns clothing, John holds him tighter, "thank you so much,"

"I love you Sherlock, never forget that. If you think about hurting yourself please come find me, no matter what, okay?" Sherlock nods.

"I love you too," Sherlock pulls his head back and gives John a short kiss.

More minutes pass with them huddled together, before Sherlocks aching starts to become unbearable.

"Can we go to bed now?" he looks up and asks, a smile on his sleep deprived face, and John smiles back.

"Of course, love," 

Can I just quickly say that this word count ended with 69 *finger guns*. 

GUYS, Ben and Martin have told us that there could allegedly be season five of Sherlock in 2022!! I literally screamed when I saw this, honestly the best news I have ever received. It may be hella far away but I can still be excited. 

I just got back from backpacking up a mountain for four days with a 45 pound backpack and my back HURTS. Just thought I'd share that because I was tired and in pain while I finished this, but anything for you lovelies.

New thing called deleted scenes that Imma try, basically its crap that I wrote as a joke just to amuse myself, which I do a lot. Other ones will probably have more, its just cuz this one was sad that I was so focused and serious :I

DELETED SCENES: 

He 'straightened' gaytened his legs. (that one happens a lot)

"No, I'm sick of always trying," he says before killing himself then John. Again. (thank my sister for this one, she took over my computer)