AS LONG AS I WAKE UP TODAY

•the thirty-fourth•

"Do you think about your friends sometimes?".
"Not really... Jay is already dead he was like my closest friend. like the ice-hockey team was okay but when they made up that list... i kinda grow apart with all the boys".
"I miss Demian".
"Your boyfriend seems pretty okay they won't kill him as long as he is their puppet".
"I know Demian for like 10 years he is NOT my boyfriend".
"Whatever".
"Like i don't care about the rest of them".
"Would you care if i die?".
"I wouldn't if i knew certainly that i get Demian back".
He looked up at me confused and a bit hurt.
"So I'm just what...Your comfort buddy?". I looked to the other side of the room.

He was right since Demian was gone... i picked Shawn as my comfort buddy

"I just miss him".
"okay i understand," he said softly.
"i just can't stand him not being around".

Something was thrown against the door from the outside. My head spun in that direction. I caught Shawn staring at me in shock.
"What was that?".
I kept staring at the door, from underneath a pool of blood slide into the room.
"Shawn".
He turned to the door. He grabbed my first careful and turned back to me, taped on my hand in understanding. "Hey it's okay, I'll check". he tried to comfort me, Pulling a few baby-hairs from my face.

He stood up and walked to the door slowly. It felt not good letting him go alone so i stood up in a rush and walked to him. Wrapped both my hands around his arm. I pressed my face in the back of his arm scared of what i would see otherwise. He looked down at me, Smiled sadly.
"It's all fine... you're fine I'm fine... if something happens I'm here for you".
"Promise?".
"I can't make promises but I'll fight to keep that promise this time".
He reached for the door handle and opened the door. He blocked my view but i notice on his body language that he was confused.
I stepped next to him
There was notting...no body, not even a human hair. It didn't calm me. It had calmed me more if there was a body covered in blood.
Shawn looked at me check if i was okay or not.
"come on let's go back". he lead me back inside. As soon as i turned around i felt a sticky substance socking through my shoes. I looked down to the pool of blood, which was spread out...

How the body is gone... but the blood haf only became more?!

Shawn looked at me worried. He put his hand on my lower back carefully. Shoved me to the sofa.
"Try to rest".
"I can't".
"Just try okay i know this is all pretty heavy, but just try to rest just close your eyes for a second".vhe rubbed my shoulder.
"I can't".
"I know i think I'm having a life trauma by this now too, but we need to keep focused and strong". he pulled his arm around me tightly, but not forced.
"You think you can do that?".
"Do what?".
"Be strong".
"I wish i could".
"Okay...okay you are gonna promise me that you are gonna try to fight to be strong?".
I looked up at him saw the hope of survival in his eyes.
"I'll promise to fight".
"Realy?".
I nogged with a smile on my face.
"You are amazing B...Lilia".
He hugged me, wrapped his around my neck rested the side of his head on top of mine.

Is this the first time i hugged a boy beside Demian after all the stuff with Liam... i think it was.

Shawn's hugs were so loving and warm like you hugged a teddybear. Warm and loving like Demain's were...

The tension of our hug changed when Shawn pressed my head into his chest tries to muffle the gunshot for my ears by the fabric of his hoodie.

"One more less".

the thirty-fourth.