My crush on the Cheerleader (gxg)

Chapter twenty six-Over this girl

I stared blankly at my mum who's sitting on my bed.

"Who's Blair sweetheart?" Mum asked calmly.

"I-I," my throat feels like it's closing up making me unable to speak.

"Come sit," Mum ordered more than asked and patted the bed in the space next to her.

I did as she said sitting down next to her. Looking at the diary I could see what page she was on; the day Blair asked me to be her girlfriend.

"Sweetheart are you gay?" My mum questioned looking into my eyes. Suddenly I just started sobbing. She wrapped her arm around me saying "It's going to be okay."

I pulled away slightly shocked at what she'd said, looking into my mums sapphire blue eyes that resemble my own.

"Y-You don't mind?" I asked sniffling slightly.

"Not at all, you'll get over this girl. It's fine that you wanted to experiment," Mum said looking at me like she actually believed the words she is saying.

"What do you mean 'I'll get over this girl'? She's my girlfriend!" I shouted.

"Well you aren't gay it's just social media brainwashing you, anyway you'll find the right man someday," she replied very matter-of-factly.

A wave of anger and shock washed over me. How could she say that?

"That's not true! I love her!" I protested.

Wait. Did I just say I love her? Even though it's completely the wrong moment I couldn't help but nearly smile at the thought. I love Blair, I just hope she loves me.

"You think you love her but you don't! This Blair girl is just a phase and we'll get you through it," Mum said going back to her reassuring voice from shouting.

"You don't get it! I've know that I've liked girls since I was eleven and It hasn't gone away five years later."

She looked disappointed. Like it was all my fucking fault that I'm a lesbian!

"I won't tell your dad for now," Mum replied ignoring what I'd been saying. She closed the diary and got up walking out of the room with it held in her arms.

I slammed my door shut causing my only picture on the wall to shake. It's a picture from holiday a few years ago, with my parents, brother and myself. We all looked so happy smiling like nothing could ever go wrong. I grabbed the picture of the wall shoving it into a draw so I could no longer see their faces.

Diving onto my bed I engulfed myself in the blankets wanting nothing more but today to be over. My eyes soon drifted into a restless sleep.

***

Waking up the next morning I feel like a zombie. I'm in a state where I feel like I haven't slept at all but know I have. Getting changed I put on my uncomfortable school uniform.

Breakfast was awkward with my dad needing to get to work early and my mum just talking about her clients even though it's supposed to be confidential. I'm surprised she thinks that homosexuality is a phase when she's a therapist for mainly mental health. Doesn't she know what she's doing could really impact us in the future?

***

I'm walking to school with my brother today because we wanted to get there early so we can both get some books out in the library.

"Are you okay?" He looked at me sincerely.

"I'm fine." It was a curt answer but I wanted nothing more than to not talk about it.

"When you're ready please actually tell me what's going on," he replied seeing past my terrible facade.

"Okay."

***

School was going by too fast; It's already nearly lunch. I looked at the clock to see if that would trick me into the day being slower but instead the hands looked like they were speeding through the numbers. Almost like It couldn't wait for the day to be over and start afresh.

The piercing screech of the bell rang through my ears signalling lunch. My anxiety rose as the people did all rushing to lunch. I sat frozen in place wanting time to stop for a little while. Just enough so I don't have to go home just yet.

"Addison is there any reason you're still here?" Miss Jones asked in her frail old voice.

I looked up at her not realising that I'd already wasted ten minutes of lunch.

"Oh," I sighed picking up my pens and books quickly shoving them in my bag.

"I didn't realised you liked maths so much," she joked but sneered at me as I hurried to leave.

"Sorry Miss, bye."

***

"What took you so long?" Tess asked looking slightly panicked.

"I was daydreaming," I lied not wanting to tell them about all the scenarios I'd made up that are racing through my head for when I get home.

"Okay. Anyway Tess are you going to rehearsals for the play after school?" April queried.

"Yeah and Addison I can't wait for you to see the characters were playing!" Tess shrieked with glee.

I looked at her trying to smile at least a little bit but I felt sick with dread.

"Do you know where Blair is?" I wondered.

"I think she's at cheer practice or maybe by the bleachers with her friends," April contemplated shrugging slightly. I doubted that she was at cheer practice considering her arm so, I decided to go for the football field where the bleachers are.

"Probably," Tess agreed.

***

My head feels like it's spinning as I walk towards the football field. I need to tell Blair about what's happened. As I walked closer to her (once I spot her and her friends) my breathing seems more shallow and my throat dry.

"Blair," I croaked.

"What's wrong?" Blair looked at me straight away mumbling something to her friends.

We walked behind the bleachers and went to a spot where no one would hear us.

"So, what's up."

"M-My mum found my d-diary," I said sobbing.

"You have a diary?" Blair replied deciding to focus on that point of my sentence. She seemed to quickly understand why I was so hysterical pulling me into a hug. "Do you write everything in that diary?"

"Only when I feel overwhelmed or when something significant has happened, like getting my first Girlfriend..." I trailed of feeling a hot blush rise to my cheeks.

"What did your mum say? Have you told anyone else?" Blair questioned in a hurry.

"She said that it was a phase, that it was fine to experiment and that I'll find the right man someday. She made It all seem like it's my fault! Like I can change it!" I could feel myself getting angry and looked away.

"Hey. Hey. Look at me," Blair said comfortingly I turned my head slightly back to her, she delicately caressed my face saying "You need to calm down, everything will be okay."

"How can I calm down when my parents think that my brother is just confused and that I'm going through a phase? I hate the word phase it's so annoying," I mumbled.

Blair lightly kissed me on my forehead holding me into her embrace.

"Can I go to your house after school? I'm dreading going home." I felt a little guilty for asking but I just can't go home. Not yet anyway.

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Thank you If you have read this chapter. I'll try and post the next one soon.

:)