𝐎𝐥𝐝-𝐅𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 | 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚣𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘.

𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 | "𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛."

Ben.

Something is evidently wrong.

I've noticed this a few days ago, he will be so sweet on messages but when I'm physically around him, it's just so odd. He would let me hold his hand, of course. But it feels like he's always on the look out and worried. Joe was never the person who gets worried about what people would say— as far as I know.

And his friends, our friends think the same thing too. They felt like Joe is hiding something from us. He said it's just work-related and he needs to get his projects done and I totally understand if that is the case.

But we all thought otherwise.

"Ben, you haven't touched your food." I was snapped out of my thoughts my Gwilym's concerned voice. We're currently at school cafeteria having lunch but I don't feel hungry. I was hungry a while back however when the thought of Joe distancing himself from us hit the back of my mind, I couldn't focused.

He isn't my boyfriend yet he acts so cold, I'm afraid.

"Ben." This time, Gwilym ruffled my hair, completely getting my attention.

"I'm sorry, Gwil. I just—"

"Joe?"

I went speechless that all I could answer is a sigh, Gwilym held the same deep sigh and patted my shoulder. "Have you talked to him about it? Like you know.."I shook my head no and the tall man just sighed louder. "Oh boy. I'll tell you, he is never like this."

I tried to form a smile so that he would know I understand, and I did— partially. "What if he realized he doesn't like me that much and didn't want to continue but just can't figure out how—"

"Let me stop you right there, my friend. Joe likes you so bad. I'm the witness of all his blushing and squealing."

Okay, that got me— I chuckled.

"I don't want to sound cinematic but I feel like he's hiding something. Not only from you, but from all of us. He's not the same Joe."

I didn't say anything, I couldn't think of reasons why he would act like this. Maybe I should talk to him personally about this. But how? I don't want to ask him through text, he can easily lie.

For a month and a half that I knew him, it wasn't hard to figure Joe out. I fully know if he's annoyed, sad, genuinely happy, lying, hungry— name it, I know.

And he's not a good liar. Pretender, maybe.

I suddenly got hungry and when I'm about to stuff the chicken sandwich onto my mouth, the bell rang signaling that lunch is over. My afternoon class will start in ten minutes. "Shit."

"That's fine, mate. Take your sandwich on the way, I'll go ahead now." He again patted my shoulder as a comfort before getting off the chair and walk towards the exit.

I sighed deeply, glancing at my phone.

To: Joey. 💞
Hey.
I know you're busy but
Can we meet by the river?
Sent 13:03✓

—••

Joe.

My phone beeped, it was a text.

God I hope it wasn't from them. I hope it wasn't from them. I hope it wasn't from them. I hope it wasn't from them. I hope it wasn't from the—

"Joe! It's Ben!" Lucy is now holding my phone towards my direction and hands it to me. A let out a sigh of relief after hearing it was from Ben. My nerves calmed down at the sound of his name but still, it wasn't enough to forget why I'm acting like this.

Lucy knows, I've told her. I've told her everything and she was shook. But I can't tell Rami and Gwilym— I can't tell Ben. I can never tell him. It will ruin everything.

Aren't you ruining everything with what you're doing, Joe?

Well, shit yes partly but I'm planning on telling him okay? I'm just getting my best shot. I know he would understand but at the same time, I don't know. It's a big deal. A big risk.

My phone is still on my hand and Lucy is just staring at me. "I know you don't want to check your phone so I've read it for you. He wants to see you later in the rive—"

Oh my fucking god how could I forget about the river?! Our safe place. Our haven. Our little secret. Yes still our little secret because the three doesn't know the exact place. They thought it's just an inside joke of ours but it was a real place!

"Do you think he'll broke up with me?"

"Bitch, you're not his boyfriend yet."

"Oh, right." I'm so out of my zone these past few days and I honestly hate it. I hate that I'm being like this— being a fucking coward and allow this to takeover my system.

But I have no choice! I don't want to risk the only person who I can see myself dating. One month is not enough reason to bring him into this mess. Even if it'll be years, he doesn't deserve to get involved.

"I'm scared, Luce.." I whispered, looking at her with teary eyes. My bottom lip is shivering and anytime soon I will break down crying onto her arms again. It's just too much, to be honest. I don't even work! I didn't accept any projects for the week, I'm just thankful that because I don't often ask for it— my boss gave me another week. So everytime I tell the boys I'm at work or I'm at a meeting, I'm only with Lucy hiding on their loft until it's time "to go" home after a "long tiring day" of work.
Lucy took both of my hands and held tightly. "Go meet him, it will be fine. I'm sure he will understand." She them pulled me into a hug as she rub my back soothingly. I nodded before pulling apart.

Taking a deep breath, I sent him a text

To: Benjamin 💕

Sure! I'll meet you by the school gate or we'll see each other in the river on a specific time?
Sent 01:05✓

I placed my home on top of my chest, as if I'm holding it for dear life. I'm determined this way. I'll tell him. I'll tell him everything. My phone beeped almost immediately and I've got read the preview.

Benjamin 💕
Great! I'll just see you in the river aye? Gonna wait for you.
Received 1:05

I sighed deeply once more. God I hope everything's gonna be okay.

𝐈 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬? 𝐇𝐦𝐦?