Perfect SCARS

23

Have you ever found yourself in a position where the only thing you can think of is just to not exist... To disappear from the surface of the earth because you know that living has no worth from that day

Thats exactly how I felt like.... I have cried, fight, panicked and I have exhausted all energy....

Hours after he was finally done, I couldn't move or think about anything other than the facts one night has completely ruined,

My face still sore from the heavy slap, and I haven't seen my down area but I know I was bleeding and from the way it hurts... It must be in a bad shape

I may not have gotten the best sexual orientation but I know what it is to be molested.... Devoured and penetrated

I remember my neighbor Mummy junior that called me to her apartment one day to warn me

"Agnes..... I don't want you to bath outside again... I know you are still small and you still feel small but your body is not small.... It is actually too big for your age.. "

I didn't understand what she was trying to say but she's a mother of four and there were three female... My age and even older... And she always accommodate me with her kids... So I just know she's saying this for my good

"Even though your papa is a drunkard.. I know he would never allow that crazy fool watch you bath all the time "

I know she was referring to a very jovial bachelor on the next door named Ibrahim... I know he keeps joking with me especially when I'm bathing but I didn't find that as a  big deal

"Look!  I know you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it is not until somebody touches you before they have taken advantage of you.... Just mere looking can lead to something else..... Do you see how often girls your age are getting raped and eventually getting pregnant..  Small innocent girls with no faults..... And they take over your weakness and prey on your fragile mind.... Agnes, do not give anyone the opportunity to mess with you and your body.. No matter what they offer you.... Do not give in to their crooked ways... You are smart, You are beautiful... Am sure by now you must have heard stories about your mother even if most of them are just rumors but you should know by now that your mother was  a victim of a terrible situation.. She was  deceived and taken advantage of... I know you are not a fool and your mind is not that of a child... I don't care the situation of things now for you and Kofi but there is never an excuse to sell yourself cheap "

She explained a lot of things to me
. more the reason I feel terrible... I may not have grown up with my mother but there were people who always pass motherly advice to me up until now...

Mummy junior, my neighbor
My class teacher. Mrs Nwosu
And my counselor at Spring Care... Aunty Nancy
I have let them all down

They would be so ashamed of me if they see me now and that was all the motivation I needed to stand up from the couch....

This couch has been the root of my problem and I have to avoid it from  now henceforth...

I can't be here till he comes back, when I placed my foot on the ground there were trembling, and it affected my whole body... I rised up slowly but when am halfway up I lose my stamina and fell back to the chair.... This saddens me even more that this would be the end of me, that this would actually define me as the girl who lost her virginity to her guardian

To think that I really respected him and looked up to him as a successful and intelligent man but the fact that he is an hideous self centered molesting bastard clouds up every good thing he think he has achieved so far

He must think he is untouchable and high and mighty but I swear to everything that means anything.......
I'm going to make him pay
I'm going to make him pay for all he's been doing to me

I pulled my self up and fell to the floor  even if I have to crawl out of here.... I would do it and that's exactly what I did... I pulled the little energy I have left and crawled my way back to the tiny storeroom I live in...

Now more than ever I have to leave this house... I can't stay here who knows what would happen if I stay a day in here with that monster and I blame myself for being so foolish and naive... His intentions were obvious from the beginning I was just too oblivious to notice it... I was taken by material things
And now I  have to suffer for it.. And carry the cross for the rest of my life