In Love, Always

Chapter 18

Marinette's perspective:

Mari looked at her phone to read the time. It was 10 p.m.. Enough time to go out. Enough time to clear her head.

God knew she needed it.

...

Not that Marinette believed in God... Maybe she had when she was younger, Mari couldn't remember. She didn't even believe in her mother's gods... Marinette just couldn't believe now. She had seen too much of the world for that.

She knew there couldn't possibly be a God. Her and Chat's powers reminded Marinette. Creation and destruction... Unfathomable powers held by two teenagers. If they controlled those, what other power could God possibly hold?

...

Marinette shook her head. She had to- she had to rearrange her thoughts. Her head was pounding and she just couldn't- she just couldn't think.

What to do, what to do...

What could she do?

Marinette looked down at her own hands.

She had put everyone into these situations. But what if-

What if she couldn't get them out?

She was just a girl sitting in her bedroom.

She had powers, but what good had those been at solving her problems so far?

Power didn't make you a god.

Didn't make you a hero.

Hawkmoth was still out there. And growing stronger. Marinette felt like she never got stronger...

What had her powers done when she had to face Chat Noir again?

Her powers meant nothing. Absolutely nothing, and yet, all of Paris acted like they made Ladybug into some kind of hero.

Marinette wanted so badly to be half the person they thought she was.

She wanted so badly to be the person Paris needed. Because that person really was needed.

...

Marinette remembered how her city had been before Hawkmoth appeared. Of course she did. It wasn't that long ago... though sometimes it seemed like forever.

Paris was such a lovely place. The people were friendly, the buildings were gorgeous, and the fashion. It was warm and nice and home.

When Hawkmoth came... None of that exactly changed. But people forgot. All the bad things outshined the good.

Now, Marinette supposed, most Parisians had started to remember the good things again. Hawkmoth continued to be defeated by Ladybug and Chat Noir. For them, everything was perfect again and the civilians could enjoy a safe and happy life.

But Marinette wouldn't know... She worried Paris would never be what it once was to her. Sure, her loyalty and love towards her city had grown tremendously after becoming Ladybug, but never again, it seemed, would she be able to appreciate it like she once did. Paris had once meant safety, home, to Marinette. It felt like she was a tiny moving part in the machine that made the city run. Nowadays, it felt like she was the machine.

She threw her phone onto her bed and called out for Tikki. The kwami was resting on one of the pillows on Marinette's lounge chair. At her voice, Tikki looked up.