It's All Part of the Story

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves

November 2016

"I mean maybe we should just get it over with, there's never going to be a good time to do this," Taylor says, her voice rising an octave.

"Taylor, you're not serious," Karlie says shaking her head.

"I am, I mean people already hate me, maybe now is the perfect time to tell them I'm a lesbian too," Taylor rushes out and she's sounding more manic by the second.

"You don't mean that," Karlie says quietly.

"Maybe I do," Taylor says, propping herself up on her elbows as Karlie shifts away from her.

"No, you don't. You're not ready," Karlie says, and Taylor can see that she's angry but the words are soft, reverent even.

"I'll be fine, I can handle it," Taylor tries to say but Karlie shakes her head and her anger flares up even more.

"Why do you keep pushing this? You're not ready," Karlie says strongly folding her arms and she moves even further away from Taylor.

"But you want to."

"Not if you're not ready to! Don't put this on me, Taylor."

"You've been waiting for so long," Taylor says softly and Karlie frowns, hurt.

"I don't care. I would wait forever if that's what it takes for you to be ready," Karlie says softly.

"No, you wouldn't," Taylor says immediately with a scoff.

"What?" Karlie asks, reeling back in surprise. "Do you honestly believe that?"

"No!" Taylor says quickly, shaking her head but then she shrugs. "But nobody would wait around forever."

"I wouldn't you mean?" Karlie suggests, offended, and Taylor stays quiet and it's as good an admission of truth as if she'd said the words out loud and Karlie's filled with outrage and hurt. "I don't have a problem waiting. This is not at all something I have an issue with but it's great that you seem to think that I do."

"That's not what I'm saying," Taylor defends and she can see how much pain her words have caused. "I just don't want you to resent me."

"So your solution is to, what? Just to force yourself to do it for me? That's the last thing I would ever want from you and it's really fucking insulting that you think that."

"Karlie, no, I—" Taylor tries to say, guilt settling heavily in her gut.

"No, Taylor," Karlie interrupts before Taylor can continue, her voice catching loudly as she tries her hardest not to cry. "I love you so fucking much and this is how little you think of me."

Taylor's eyes fill with tears and she opens her mouth to apologise but Karlie shakes her head, her shoulders curling forwards as she steps away, reaching for a blanket and disappearing to the terrace off their bedroom.

Taylor knows she shouldn't immediately go after her, knows that she needs to give Karlie some time alone so even though every part of her aches to, she doesn't, instead she crawls out of bed and makes her way to the bathroom.

She takes a quick shower and afterwards changes into a pair of pyjama pants and one of Karlie's soft shirts, desperately trying not to cry when she feels how warm it is and how much it smells like Karlie, hating herself for how badly she's messed this up.

Karlie hears the door to the balcony open and she doesn't even try to hide her tears, just curls deeper into the blanket thrown around her shoulders.

"Please come inside," Taylor asks softly and Karlie can tell she's been crying too but her stubborn anger flares up again.

"No."