I Can't Explain

I Knew it Was a Mistake

Keith comes home that night, drunk, of course, with Roger in tow. Keith passes out on the couch and I find Roger in the kitchen.

"Heyyyy Kenny wassup?" He slurs loudly.

"God, Rog, you smell like death and beer," I wrinkle my nose when Roger tries to hug me.

"Pete wants a beer ya got any?"

"Um, Pete's not here..."

"Yeah I know, he's in the car. Ill get him. PETE!"

Roger stumbles outside, yelling Pete's name. Thank God he didn't fall down the stairs.

I cover Keith with a blanket, still confident about my decision to talk to him. Tomorrow, of course.

The front door opens and slams shut, Pete and Roger are singing two different songs at once. Pete immediately heads for the kitchen and Roger tries to hug Keith, thinking he's me.

I take Roger's arm and lead him to Keith's room.

"Ooooh if Moonie finds out, he'll be pissed." Roger says while refusing to lie down.

"Its no big deal, I'm sure worse people have slept in that bed before him."

"No no no, lemme tell ya a secret," Roger ushers me over to him.

"What is it?"

Roger grins, his lips close to my ear to speak. Instead, he burps.

"God, Roger! What the hell, that's gross!!"

At that moment, Pete comes in. "Is he tryin' to come on to ya, Kenny? 'Cuz, Roger don't know shit about women." Pete hiccups and sits on the bed, soon passing out. I give Roger a shove and he passes out too.

I wash my face and brush my teeth before going to my own room (locking the door, of course) and falling asleep.

-----

I get up early and force Pete and Roger up and out of the flat. They can't be here when I talk to Keith. I put clean sheets on his bed and fix up the mess in room created by Pete and Rog. Keith is still on the couch, curled up in a ball, the blanket I gave him in a heap on the floor.

So I make tea, along with a huge breakfast for us and set it on the coffee table. I gently shake Keith's shoulder to try and wake him.

"Keith?"

No answer.

"Keith? Come on, buddy, you gotta get up."

"Hmmphllm no..." he mumbles.

"Keith, the building is on fire."

"Save yourself..."

"Keith Marilyn Monroe is alive."

Keith jumps up, fully awake, and looks around. "Where is she?!"

I laugh, knowing I had fooled him. He gives me a disappointed look and sticks out his lower lip.

"Now Ive got a headache. Nice job, Kenleigh."

"Well, I was considering pouring a bucket of water on you, but we cant afford a new couch."       

Keith sees breakfast and goes for a piece if bacon. We watch some cartoons while we eat, and as I clean our plates, Keith takes a shower. I havent quite figured out how I will go about talking to him. I mean, I can talk to Keith about my feelings, but this is different.

I begin to get nervous when I hear Keith turn off the shower.

Pull it together! You can do this! I think to myself. Of course I can do it. I've stood up to my dad before, so I can talk to Keith.

I hear his bedroom door open and Keith comes out, dressed in his pajamas, and he rifles through the fridge for a beer. Seriously? Its not even noon. Oh well.

Keith sits on the couch and flips through the channels on TV. I sit by him and ask, "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anything except that woman thing you get that makes you act weird."

I love his honesty.

"Turn off the TV?"

Keith looks at me cautiously and switches off the set.

I hesr John's voice in my head, lay it all on the line for him.

"I don't really know how to say this, because its kind of hard. And a little embarrassing."

For God's sake, just say it!!

"I think I'm in love with you." I blurt.

The expression on Keith's face was...unreadable. He seemed perplexed, confused, taken aback.

"W--what?" He whispered.

"I think I'm in love with you." I whisper back. I feel tears beginning to burn my eyes. I shouldn't have said anything!! Why the hell did I say something?!

"Well, um...I don't know what you want me to say to that..." Keith says calmly.

"Well I'm sorry, but I just needed to say it. I need you to know. I mean, you probably don't feel the same way, but I just wanted you to hear it." I feel my tears threaten to spill onto my face, so I look away from Keith to my lap. I knew this was a mistake. He's going to hate me now.

"I really don't know what to say, no one has ever said anything like that to me."

I take a few deep breaths to stop myself from crying. I just ruined a perfectly good friendship. Of course. Leave it to me and my stupid emotions to fuck things up.

"I really dont know what to say--" I cut Keith off though by standing up. I didnt want to cry in front of him now, regardless of the all times I had done so in the past.

"I just needed you to know." I slip on my shoes and leave the flat, leaving Keith to his own thoughts. As I walk towards the guys' flat, all I can think is how nothing will ever be the same, all because I just had to talk to Keith about my feelings this one time.