𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ✧ ROMANOGERS

ii. mistakes

 I really wanted this sort of thing to happen between them so here ya go. Sorry it's so long, but I really love this chapter, so I hope you do too :D

Late April 2018

Steve's POV:

I checked the time. It was almost 11pm. I was lying in bed but as hard as I tried couldn't seem to fall asleep. I wondered if Natasha was sleeping. Her room was just across the hall from mine. I started staring at the ceiling, hoping at some point I would fall asleep, and eventually I began to drift off, but right when my eyes were about to close I heard noises from across the hall. I woke up immediately and went to Natasha's room. She was still asleep, but she was shaking her head and making noises. "Bad dream," I thought. I sat down next to her bed and put my hand on her arm.

"Nat. Nat, wake up." Her eyes were still closed, but she shook her head and then lay still, whimpering quietly. I shook her a little bit then she inhaled sharply and woke up. She blinked a few times, letting a few tears fall, then looked at me. We locked eyes. Her usually strong and confident green eyes were now filled with sadness and fear.

"Steve." She said softly, her voice breaking slightly.

"Bad dream?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"About what?"

"My past. It's always my past. I don't know why, I've moved on, forgiven myself. Mostly. I don't know why it still haunts me. I mean, maybe I haven't moved on. Doesn't matter how hard I try, somewhere in the back of my mind is laughing at me saying that I will never be a hero, not with what I've done. And deep down I know that. I can never wipe the red from my ledger, not completely." Her voice was broken, and tears started streaming down her cheeks. I had only seen this once from her, when Wanda put the flashbacks into Nat's head. She was miserable, and I hated that. I got up, went to the other side of her bed, and sat down next to her.

"You made mistakes in your past; we all have."

"Even you?" Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow and giving me a smirk.

"Yeah. Even me." I said, shaking my head and smiling. "But, Nat, you are a hero. Do you know how many people you've saved?"

"Might amount to the people I've killed by now." She stopped smiling immediately. Her voice was back to normal.

"Don't do that to yourself. You're a good person. Only thing I care about is that you try to fix your mistakes, and I think you've done plenty."

"You don't know what I've done." More tears came down her cheeks.

"I don't care what you did. Back then you were a different person. You've moved on, you said it yourself." I put my arm around her and to my surprise, she put her head on my shoulder. She looked up at me. I wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Thank you Steve." She said quietly, just loud enough so I would hear. She laid her head back on my shoulder and we sat there for a while.

"Still no one special then?" Natasha asked. I laughed at this, and I saw that she was smiling, which cheered me up.

"Still no one." I lied. I had been in love with Natasha since our mission together those few years ago.

"Not even Sharon? I heard you ended up getting together."

"Noooo. After the falling out with me and Tony I never heard from her again. Plus it was a little weird with her being Peggy's niece and all. I consider her a friend."

"So you go around and kiss your friends? Didn't expect that from you Rogers."

"It was one time. It didn't mean that much to me, I promise. What's with all of the interrogation anyway? What about you? Weren't you and Bruce a thing?"

"You're cute when you get defensive. Yes, Bruce and I were sort of a thing, but I didn't feel much chemistry when I was with him. Of course, this was around the time that Wanda put the images into my head, and I thought I was a monster. I was thinking about coming to you, but I felt that Bruce would understand the 'monster' part more. Whatever we might have had went away when Bruce disappeared."

I found myself smiling a little bit bigger than I should have. Bruce was the only thing stopping me from telling Natasha how I felt, well that and my nerves. I've never felt this strongly about someone, not even Peggy. Natasha was my best friend, second only to Bucky. I made a promise to myself that at some point during us being together, I would tell her how I feel. I'm going to tell Natasha that I love her.

Nat's POV:

We sat quietly for a while. I let my thoughts run. It was never going to work with Bruce. I didn't feel the same with him as I did with...Steve. He hasn't judged my worst mistakes, he's saved my life countless times, he's sweet and caring, a good listener, he's always here for me, and everything felt like it was going to be okay when I was with him. Oh my god, I'm in love with Steve Rogers.