She Who Was My Love (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Kaleidoscoping

Buffy's POV

I feel... good. I can't explain it and, maybe I don't want to but... I feel good. Maybe it's what Faith said, maybe it's that she put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me, or maybe it's just all the sex. All I know for sure is that ever since last night I don't feel so focused on my pain anymore. I feel like... a human being, with friends, and family. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Since before I was dead. I feel, like I can live with where I've been, with what's happened to me.

And I think I can do it without hating my friends and family... or Faith, I think. Problem is I don't know why. I don't know what I want, or what I'm gonna do with my life. What if when I figure it out I wanna be alone? Or what if I have to be alone to figure it out? I don't want to string Faith along. I don't really know what is gonna happen between Faith and I, but I'm pretty sure I want her with me so we can find out together. I care about Faith, a lot. She's right, and so was Mom. I can't blame Faith for what Willow did, and blaming Willow won't do any good either. Faith was willing to commit murder to keep us from imploding. Why would she do that if she wanted me back so badly?

Mom must've been telling the truth when she said Faith wanted to kill herself to be with me. God that must've been so horrible for her. Maybe Mom was right about us, helping each other through this hard time. We both know what it's like to wish we were dead. Sharing our pain could bring us closer together, emotionally. God knows we're as close as two people can be in a physical sense. Maybe it's time to take it to the next level, emotional closeness.

For the longest time, all we ever were to each other was enemies. Then, all the sudden we were lovers, and we couldn't be enemies anymore. But other than an insatiable lust for each other and a tendency to slay vamps on a regular basis, Faith and I have all but nothing in common. We've never been friends, we've never confided in each other about anything. Maybe the best way to grow and move on from everything is to do that, confide in one another. Build something beyond just unquenchable animal lust.

Lust is all well and good but it doesn't build lasting relationships. What if all we have is lust? It doesn't mean we can't have something more does it? I mean for a long time all Angel and I had was lust, but slowly it became more than that.

I should have a talk with her. God knows I haven't been that nice to her since I've been back. It's time that changed. It's time we did something right. When I get home I'm gonna try and talk with her. Right now I gotta concentrate on patrolling, keep my wits about me in case some big ugly demon type jumps out at me. This is pretty much where Willow said she found the glowy ball thingy. Whatever put it there must be around here, or was recently. Maybe I could track where it went.

There's a loud bang nearby. I look around and there's another one.

Where the hell is that coming from?

Another bang rings out.

It doesn't sound like a gunshot, and it sounds like it's coming from a nearby factory so I know I'm not in any immediate danger. It almost sounds like someone trying to break down a door.

I start to walk toward the factory where the banging is coming from.

Whoever's breaking down the door must be pretty powerful. Maybe I should hold off on going up against this thing until I have Faith to help me. Then again, there could be innocent people in there that need my help.

I open the door to the factory and go inside. A loud crash comes from upstairs and I think the door has come down. Then I hear a scream and that pretty much settles any internal struggling I have about leaving it till later.