On Call | Grey's Anatomy // Book 3 // COMPLETED

32 | We're Okay

A surgical residency is all about training for the worst. But as prepared as we might be, we usually don't see disaster coming. We can try to envision the worst-case scenario to foresee catastrophe. But when true disaster strikes, it often comes out of nowhere. And when the worst really does happen...we find ourselves completely blindsided.

As soon as I got the page, my heart stopped. A plane had gone down in the middle of the city...not a large one, but there were still people on it.

Walking into the O.R., everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I could hear a woman crying and all I could think about was when I opened my eyes for the first time after our crash. My ears were filled with Arizona's bloodcurdling screams. Looking to a woman who had crush injuries, it reminded me of Lexi.

Images of us all sitting around in the dark flashed through my mind. The nights where we were all freezing and fighting to stay awake because we were too scared to sleep. The long days where we would struggle not to look at Lexi when we passed the plane part she was stuck under, or when we all tried to keep Mark's spirits up.

Instead of heading into one of the trauma rooms, I just turned around and wandered the halls. Finally, I spotted Meredith and she walked over and hugged me. "Have you seen Robbins?" she asked, her, Arizona, and I being the only ones around who had been in the actual crash.

"No." I shook my head as we started searching for her.

Finally, we found her in a storage room, huddled up on the floor. "There...there was a plane crash." she breathed out.

"I know." Meredith nodded as we sat down beside her.

"But we're okay." I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, "'Cause it's not us. It's not us, so we're...we're okay."

"We are okay." Meredith nodded, "We are...we are okay."

Arizona closed her eyes. "Did you see the guy out there? His leg is severed beneath the knee. Did you...did you see him?"

"I did." Meredith fought to hold back tears, "We're okay. The girl, she can't find her boyfriend."

The three of us held hands as we took shaky breaths. "We're okay," Arizona repeated.

"We're okay." I gulped.

The three of us sat there in silence for a few more minutes before we finally urged each other to stand up and get to work. As Meredith headed off to surgery with Bailey and Arizona headed up to the peds floor, I made my way to the E.R.

Approaching the doors, I stopped right before entering and just stood there. I wanted..no, needed to go in, but I just couldn't do it.

"Ellie." I heard someone call my name. Turning around, I saw Owen walking towards me. "I've been looking all over for you." he looked down at me, "How are you?"

"I'm, um...I'm okay," I answered, still feeling a little shaky.

Owen placed a hand on my shoulder. "Do you need to go home?"

"No." I shook my head, "If Meredith and Arizona can be here, so can I."

"Ellie, don't push yourself." Owen warned, "If you can't do this, you need to let me know."

I swallowed hard. "I can do it."

Owen nodded, "Okay, well...I have a surgery with Edwards. Would you like to scrub in?"

"Yes," I told him. An O.R. would be a perfect place for me. It would be quiet and my mind would be too busy focusing on the surgery to worry.

About half an hour later I scrubbed in and walked into the O.R. with Stephanie and Owen.

"Kind of amazing about these two, isn't it?" Stephanie talked about the couple flying the plane, who were on their first date, "They meet for all of twenty minutes and just fall in love. I'm not someone who believes in fate or anything like that, but it kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it?"

"Sure." I tried to stay focused.

Owen, however, stayed silent. "Or maybe not." Stephanie shrugged, "Maybe they're both crazy. But even then, that's what my grandma used to say, that that's what love is all about, that everyone is crazy in their own way. And the trick is finding someone whose crazy complements your own."

"Edwards, let's just work without all the talking," Owen told her, noticing that I was having a tough time as it was. Looking down at the body, Stephanie just sighed. "Edwards, what?" Owen asked.

"Well, I have questions about the procedure." Stephanie said, "You're supposed to allow me to ask questions, and I'm supposed to learn. I have a right to learn. Instead, you're silencing me. I've been silenced. It's unprofessional. It's not fair that you silence my voice."

Owen huffed, "Fine, fine! What is your question?"

Stephanie was quiet for a few seconds. "Well, when you glare at me like that, I can't remember it."

Just then I had another flashback of the plane crash. It was the moment that the plane started to drop, and it was so vivid in my mind. One second we were flying smoothly through the air, and the next, we were just falling. I had gotten butterflies in my stomach, the ones where you actually feel like your heart might jump into your throat.

And then we crashed...and for a second it was all over. There wasn't any pain at first and I was knocked out.

"Forrest!" Owen rose his voice at me, pulling me from my thoughts.

Dropping the instruments I had been holding, I stepped back from the table. This was it...I was having a panic attack. I had been fighting it all day and now it had won.

Owen watched me with wide eyes as I started to freak out. I could tell that he wanted to rush over, but he was in the middle of the surgery and he couldn't move.

"Someone help her!" Owen yelled.

Quickly, about three nurses walked over and tried to help me calm down. They lead me into the scrub room where I collapsed to the ground and started to cry. One of them went back into the O.R. to tell Owen what was going on as another went to get me some water.

"How is she?" I heard Owen's voice as I leaned back against a wall, "Get in there and help her!"

As soon as the surgery was over, Owen ran into the scrub room and over to me. Dropping to his knees, he pulled me in for a hug and held me tightly. "I'm sorry." I sobbed, "You were right...I-I should have gone home and then I freaked out and-"

"Shh." Owen ran his fingers through my hair to try and calm me down. Sitting down beside me, he pulled me into his lap and continued to hold me close. "It...it was my fault..." he whispered just barely loud enough for me to hear, "I-I put you guys on that plane. I failed you."

"It was just...so bad." I closed my eyes and buried my face into Owen's neck, "I will always remember it like it was yesterday."

Why do bad things happen to good people? We ask that question so often, it's become a cliche. But that's because bad things do happen to good people. Constantly. You just have to hope that when it's your turn, you'll know what to do...how to cope...how to persevere. But the truth is...you don't know how you'll react to your worst-case scenario. None of us do...not until it happens.