lack of

waiting

i've been walking down the street looking for a car that will never drive down this road.
i pause for minute and take some time to actually listen to the calming rustle of the trees.
they shake like my hands when i'm nervous.
they're actually pretty peaceful to look at.
maybe i'll sit down for while.
i haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for a while.
i haven't felt this small second of calm since last wednesday.
i like looking at trees.
those giant beast living in peaceful smybiosis,
giving me air, as i give them their's.
quite the confusing twist if words, i know,
but it makes sense.
how i could sit down next to a tree and live along with it.
how i could feel the wind run down my arms, giving me a comfort i didn't know i needed.
how i can't really feel my legs but continue to move them.
even sitting down in peace, i can't help but continue to look along both sides of the road.
just to see if the familiar gold car or silver van will pass by.
but neither of them ever do.
i'm alone in this ignorant silence,
but i'll enjoy while i can.
i take a few seconds to look up into the sky.
how the pretty summer blue mixes with the autum sunset.
it's quite the peaceful evening.
but in a few seconds i'm back on my feet.
i put my two bags back on my back, and cross the street.
this opposite sidewalk isn't as peaceful.
there are people's open homes with loud noises.
i cross back to the other side,
at least i can say i've tried to see the other side of things.
i haven't payed attention to where i was walking for bit.
somehow i ended up back where i grew up.
i take a seat in front of my old elementary school.
i know i'm waiting, but for what exactly?
in the distance there's children laughing and having a grand ol' time.
i can recognize that one lamp post, and that one street and where it leads to.
i kind of just sit in anticipation for something- someone.
i sit on the curb in front of this school.
i'm just a little girl waiting for her dad to come take her, and walk with her back home.

September 23, 2019