fragile | jelix

chapter 2

i had always felt insignificant in society. like i was invisible. like if i was lying dead on the floor everybody would just walk all over me. i had never felt truly loved, or cared for, and i always assumed that i was a backup, a last resort. i was the last person people wanted to hang out with, the last person people wanted to go to about their problems, the last person people wanted to choose in activities. i was always last.

yes i had friends and yes i had a family. but a dysfunctional one. most days i preferred to go to school. if i got a detention i didn't necessarily mind, it meant i got to stay away from home for longer. i didn't like my father. i used to adore him and he used to play such an important role in my life. but ever since my mother left him, he became somebody i didn't even know.

the people i would hang out with at school weren't exactly the definition of stable either. they could be pretty toxic when they wanted to be. they would do things like make fun of me, poke fun at the things i was really insecure about, make plans literally right in front of me and not even think about inviting me, the list goes on. very rarely they would turn into actual bullies for about a week and then after that they'd be friends with me again like nothing happened. i didn't have a true friend to hang out with at school. i ended up isolating myself and spending breaks and lunches in the school toilets, on my own, where nobody could bother me.

all these reasons added up to why i was so interested in this kid living across the street from me. he probably felt the exact same way that i did. obviously i was curious about his circumstance and why he had spent years and years locked up in that house, but i also thought it would be a perfect chance to perhaps make a friend. somebody as isolated, lonely and misunderstood as me.

i had no idea how i would go about it. it's not like i could just waltz into his house without an invitation and say hi. i had considered trying to talk to his parents about letting me into the house to see him, because surely they wanted him to have a friend, but i rarely ever saw them leave the house as well. and there was always the chance that they would say no and i'd have to walk away in shame and embarrassment.

it was 3am on a saturday morning. i lay there, thoughts circulating around my head at a rapid pace. i was trying to conjure up ideas, ideas on how to talk to this boy. i was getting to the point where i was thinking of sneaking into the house one day when his parents weren't home, but i realised that that's literally a crime, so i said no to myself and forgot about it.

i thought long and hard about what i could do. i had been awake for hours trying to figure something out when it suddenly hit me; one of the simplest things i could do. write a letter!

it didn't have to be super detailed or anything, it was just going to be a simple explanation. it would be to the parents, not the boy himself, because the parents would be more likely to read it then him. i would write it, slip it into their house through the letter box and then wait for a reply. if i ever got one.

i leaped out of bed, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and sat down at my desk, already knowing what to write.

dear mr and mrs,
my name is felix and i live across the street. i've noticed how your son never leaves the house and i'm assuming that he doesn't have a friend due to that. i'd love to get to know him if that's fine with you and your son, obviously. hope to hear off you soon.

kind regards,
felix

i read the letter a couple of times to check for any mistakes. after realising it was perfectly fine i folded the piece of paper up and wrote who it was addressed to again, just to make sure the parents read it. i wouldn't do it then because it was way too early, but i would do it later on at about 9 am.

i was nervous and excited at the same time. i was potentially about to meet somebody new, somebody who i'd always had queries about ever since he moved into the neighbourhood.