fragile | jelix

chapter 8

we stared at each other in silence for what seemed like an eternity. he seemed to be paralysed in fear, which made me regret my actions of just barging into his bedroom without much warning. he stared at me like a deer caught in headlights. in the silence, i looked the boy over, admiring his appearance, especially his eyes. they were blue, just like an ocean, a beautiful colour, and although he was almost cowering in fear, they sparkled and glistened. his hair was a dark brown. it was poofy if i had to describe it: you know, fluffy, hair you'd want to run your hands through for hours. his skin was milky white, probably due to him never going outside, but his paleness suited him.

it was weird. whenever you watch movies and there's a person who's been locked up somewhere away from civilisation for years, they're usually ghastly and horrible to look at. but he broke that stereotype. he was beautiful. and oddly enough, all of those thoughts i'd had in the past of me struggling with my sexuality that i'd pushed to the back of my mind for years were starting to emerge.

finally, the long silence was broken by jack clearing his throat. i noticed he was shaking rather badly and i felt terrible. i wanted to speak but for whatever reason i was too scared to.

"who are you?" he near enough whispered. i could barely hear him but good god his voice was just as beautiful as his face. it was a soft, sort of feminine american accent with a slight irish twang to it. i was so lost in thought about it i never answered his question, making him even more nervous than before.

"i...i said, who are you?" that's when i finally snapped out of my thoughts and listened to him.

"jack...it's me, felix. the boy from across the street." he stared at me blankly, looking slightly confused. had he forgotten about me that easily?

"we wrote letters to each other for a little while. i wanted to be your friend. um..." he really did look like he didn't have a clue who i was, which really offended me. i racked my brain for more things i could say to make him remember me.

"i like to play video games in my spare time. i told you i'm from sweden, i moved over here years ago. you told me you had never been on holiday and that you want to be in the snow some day, so i told you to go to-"

"alaska, norway or sweden. because there's lots of snow there, and i'd never run out." he interrupted. i smiled out of pure happiness. so he did know who i was! he hadn't forgotten about me just like that.

"yeah...yeah, i did." he smiled back at me, the fear in his eyes almost completely gone. he had such an adorable smile too. what wasn't there to like about him? i began moving forward, away from the door, towards him. i saw fear enter his eyes once more and as i got close to his bed, he put his hand out and told me to stop.

"stop! don't cross the line!" at first i thought he was referring to the metaphorical line and wondered how me walking towards him was too far. but then he pointed down at the floor, obviously noticing my confusion, and i saw a large red line that went from one side of his room to another. i was nearly over it. i looked back up at jack and took a couple of steps back.

"you can't step over the line. ever." jack stated, looking into my eyes as he did so. i had so many questions to ask him, so many thoughts, so many answers i wanted to get from him. but i didn't know how to get it across, what to ask first.

"there's a chair over there...if you want to sit." jack pointed to a wooden chair in the corner of the room. it was very far away from him, and i didn't want to be that far, so i turned down his offer and remained standing.

"we wrote to each other for weeks. and then one day you just stopped." i had to be careful with my wording because i didn't want to offend him or make him feel too bad. he must have had a good reason.

"why was that?" he stared at me blankly like he had before. he then stopped looking at me and just looked down at the floor, not really knowing what to say. he didn't seem to want to answer my question. maybe he didn't really have a reason for his actions.

"why was that?" i repeated myself, trying not to sound rude. he looked back up at me and gulped, twiddling his thumbs slowly.

"because i got..." he did finish his sentence, but he was speaking so quietly i couldn't understand what he was saying.

"because you got what?" i asked in a reassuring and patient tone.

"because i got worse..." worse? he got worse? what got worse?

"what do you mean by you got worse?" he really didn't seem like he wanted to answer my question. he looked around the room before sighing and looking me dead in the eyes.

"it doesn't matter. now you have to go. you're not allowed to be here and if anybody else knows you're here we'll both get in trouble. now leave." leave? i didn't want to leave, i'd only just got there. i would have gone through all that effort only to spend not even 5 minutes with him. there would have been no point in me going there.

"leave? but i've only been here for a few minutes, and there's so much i want to say-"

"you can't be here! you must leave, before my aunt comes up here or my parents come back!" i knew at that point he was being serious as he raised his voice.

"you can be old fashioned and use the front door. but there is a window over there." he pointed towards the window that was next to the wooden chair.

"you want me to jump out of the window?!"

"no, silly! there's a tree with a ladder on it that you can use to get down. and then from that point you run as fast as you can back to your house before anybody sees you. it's less rispy than using the front door."

"rispy? do you mean risky?" his cheeks went red and he was blushing like mad. i could tell he was embarrassed due to my correction. it was at that point i wish i had said nothing.

"risky, yeah, whatever. just get out now, before you get caught. and don't come back. i'm being serious." he sounded it too. my heart felt like it was shattering into a million tiny pieces just from hearing him say that. i decided not to argue with him anymore and i headed towards the window, opening it. i stuck my head out and saw the tree. i looked back at jack for one last time before climbing out of the window and making my way down the tree.