fragile | jelix

chapter 20

it had been a couple of days since i had visited jack, but what he told me on my last arrival had stuck with me and it was all i could think about. i didn't know that there even was a condition that could make a person so..fragile...i felt so much sympathy for him, even more than i was already feeling. he had never lived a normal life, and the chances of him ever being able to lead one were incredibly slim, possibly even non existent. there was no cure, no prevention, no known cause for it. would he really have to be trapped in the same house until his demise? i hated the thought, but it lingered in my mind, no matter how hard i tried to remove it.

when i saw him on that day, he was doing better than he was when he couldn't open the pill bottle and ended up explaining everything to me. a smile appeared on his face when he saw me. he spoke first, probably to stop me from bringing up anything to do with his condition.

"random question, but do you have a girlfriend?" 

yeah...random question indeed...

"no." i answered simply and truthfully. i was a bit curious as to why he was asking, but i guess he was just looking for a conversation starter to avoid talking about the things he told me.

"oh. have you ever had a girlfriend?" 

"a few times in the past."

"oh...why don't you have a girlfriend?" i looked down at the floor and sighed, knowing i could never give him the actual reason as to why.

"i don't know. i just don't." he nodded and seemed to start shaking a little bit, before beginning to ask me a question.

"you know how boys and girls date each other? and they kiss and get married and have kids together and stuff?" i nodded, not being able to tell where exactly he was going with this.

"do boys ever do that stuff with other boys?" i sat there in silence and just stared at him. did he not know about that stuff? the fact that he had apparently never been taught really showed something about his parents.

"yeah, all the time. and girls can do that stuff with other girls too." his face seemed to light up a little bit when i told him that.

"really? so that stuff is normal?" i nodded.

"yeah, it is...well, some people don't think it is. some people think it's a bad thing, but they're just too small minded and disrespectful to accept the fact that there's nothing wrong with being gay."

"gay?" wow. he really hadn't been taught anything.

"yeah. when a boy likes boys only, they're gay. if a girl likes girls only, they're a lesbian, but some lesbians prefer the term gay anyway. some people like both girls and boys, so they're bisexual. and other people like everybody, no matter your gender or what you identify as, so they're called pansexuals." he nodded, seemingly very intrigued.

"how do you know if you're...gay..." he seemed really embarrassed to ask and started blushing. was he questioning? is that why he was asking me all of this stuff?

"i guess...you just know. for me i realised that i have no romantic or sexual interest in girls, only in other boys, and that it just doesn't feel right to have a relationship with a girl-" that's when i knew i had fucked up. i had just accidentally come out to him, even though that was my last intention. now he knew why i didn't have a girlfriend.

"you're gay?" he asked. i sighed and put my head in my hands.

"yeah..." i had never felt more ashamed and embarrassed in my entire life.

"that's cool!" i looked up immediately, not really expecting that kind of response from him. he seemed happy about it due to the fact that he had a smile on his face. he was probably just trying to make me feel like less of an idiot.

"i support you being gay." he said as he beamed at me. i smiled back, feeling a little bit less flustered. as we continued to talk about other things, i sat there in the wooden chair and pondered about all of the questions jack had been asking me. i could only think of one thing.

damn i hope he's questioning